


A Good Man is Hard to Find

by conanchristopher



Category: Conan (TV Show), Late Night Host RPF, Late Night with Conan O'Brien (TV), Real Person Fiction, US Comedians RPF
Genre: 70s Conan, 80s Conan, AU, Bullying, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Multiple chapters, Slow Burn, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2020-05-23
Packaged: 2021-01-23 05:47:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 35
Words: 32,147
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21315181
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/conanchristopher/pseuds/conanchristopher
Summary: I simply love you more than I love life itself.
Relationships: Conan O'Brien/OC, Conan O'Brien/Reader
Comments: 4
Kudos: 30





	1. I

**Author's Note:**

> Here's A Good Man is Hard to Find. I hope you like it - it's a bit more personal than usual. Let me know what you guys think. I don't have a beta reader, and that's why my writing is a bit fucked, and I apologize.

1978

Brookline, Massachusetts

“God, look at this loser. Hey carrot top, who let you out of your cage? We better call the zoo.” said one of a group of menacing boys, pushing a redhead around. His backpack fell on the floor, it was partially open which scattered some of his supplies around.

The lanky redhead replied, raising his eyebrows: “You should be careful with me because I am in fact, a quite rare species.”

“Are you a wise ass? What’s your name, inbred fuck?” the group leader asked, furious at the redhead’s response.

“Batman.” the redhead said, without thinking twice.

He saw a blur, and felt terrible pain, which put him out of balance. Good way to start freshman year on high school. He met five people and he was already being punched. He didn’t fall and turned to look at the guy again. It was a taller, way stronger guy. He could try to fight, but he wasn’t a fighter. All he had were words.

“Your name!” the guy said, veins almost bursting out of his neck. The redhead didn’t know why this guy was so furious. After all, he just tried to make a joke out of it.

“Bruce Wayne.” he said, regretting almost instantly. Another fist came in his direction, and this time, he was way less prepared. The knuckles of the guy’s hands hit him on his lips and nose, making him bite his tongue violently. He fell on his bottom finally. Utterly satisfied, the bully went away.

Unbeknownst to the redhead, a girl was watching it all. She moved closer, holding tightly to her backpack. He was sitting on the dirty sidewalk; blood dripping from the left corner of his lips, staining his blue polo shirt. She presumed he was coming home, after school. He had bright orange strands of hair. He was looking down, cleaning himself up when she got to him.

“Are you okay?” she asked.

He looked up at her, deep blue eyes meeting her gaze. “I’ve been better.”

His voice was a bit nasal and higher pitched than she expected. He had lovely freckles all over his nose, rosy cheeks and a somewhat innocent face. He appeared oblivious at everything that had just happened. He touched the bleeding corner of his lips, looking at the blood on his fingertips. He sighed. She looked at it and wondered what he was thinking.

“What… what’s your name?” she stuttered for some reason.

“Conan. I’m Conan.”

“Your real name.” she giggled.

“No, I’m being serious right now.” he said, despite his own giggle. “My name is Conan.”

“Really? Like… the Barbarian?”

He seemed bothered for a second, but agreed, nodding. “Yes, like the Barbarian.”

“I’m June.” she said.

“Like the month?” he asked.

She rolled her eyes playfully. “Yes, like the month.”

He got up and she helped him to pick his things up. He seemed friendly. “You have a nice accent. Where are you from?”

“Thank you.” she felt herself blushing. “I came from… abroad.”

He raised his eyebrows. “I never visited the country of Abroad, but I’m sure it’s really beautiful. Welcome.”

She giggled. “Thanks.”

“I’ve got to go.” he said. “My mom is gonna kill me for two reasons. One, I’m late; and two, I bled into my shirt.”

“Where do you live?” she instinctively asked. It was a bit nosy, but he didn’t mind.

“Five blocks from here.” he said. He turned and pointed. “See that house? All mine.”

“Oh, I live next to your house, I was going home when I saw…” her voice faded.

He nodded. Both got silent for a couple of seconds.

“You’re my new neighbor, and that’s great.” He smiled. “I think we should go home though, it’s getting late.”

They walked side by side silently. She looked at him briefly and he had blood on his shirt and she felt uncomfortable, because he could have done something to help, but sadly she thought it wouldn’t change his fate. He seemed to notice the look in her eyes and smiled at her, trying to assure her everything was okay.

“Where do you go to school?” he broke the silence.

“Brookline High School.” She said.

“Me too!” he replied, way too enthusiastically. “At least I’ll have company.” He said, in a friendly way.

She couldn’t stop looking at him. She was staring at his freckles, lovely freckles everywhere. His skin looked white as snow, but his cheeks looked red and warm. His hair was blowing with the wind as they reached his destination. He didn’t seem to notice the prolonged stares she gave him. They finally arrived at their houses; a tiny white wooden fence separated their yards. She showed him her newly acquired house. It was a modest house, not really big compared to his. She thought he was an only child.

“Well” he said. “I have five siblings.”

“Really?”

“Yes.” He smiled. “You should come over to have dinner with us some time.”

“I will.” She giggled.

“So… bye!” He turned around to go away, but she had something else to say.

“Conan?”

“Yes?”

She wasn’t sure she should say what she was thinking but it was best to tell him already. She held her backpack tightly one more time. “When they mess with you… just don’t reply. They will beat you more.”

He appreciated her concern, but couldn’t help himself. “I can’t let them win.”

He lingered a bit, looking at her eyes. She was expecting him to talk more about the incident.

“See you tomorrow.” He nodded and left.


	2. II

1985

Boston, Massachusetts

“June?” she heard the voice of her mother, smoothly calling her.

She groaned as her mother called again. “June?”

She frowned a bit, as the light hit her eyes. “Hm?”

“Wake up, June. Conan is here.”

Her mom was standing in her room, folding some clothes. June smiled, still a bit sleepy. She still took some time to get up; her bed was way too comfortable. But he was there. Conan would usually call to let June know he was back in town, he probably did; and her mom answered the call. He didn’t mention he would come in his last letter, but she didn’t care anyway. She knew he was close to graduate from Harvard and she was looking forward to talk to him in person again. 

Thinking about it, she suddenly stormed to her wardrobe to get dressed. Her mom reminded her that he wouldn’t be in Boston for long, and that he was waiting for her in the living room. She felt nervous for the first time in years, looking in the mirror and wondering if she looked good enough; a thing that she hasn’t done in a long time. It was Conan, just Conan, right? They had not seen each other for a while. He wrote at least once every two months, and he called a lot but she missed his presence. Her mom smiled as she awkwardly ran to his encounter.

He was casually sitting in the living room, arms over the top and the arm of the couch, with crossed legs. The couch was facing the corridor she was in. She walked to him while he was distracted for a second, looking around, until their eyes met. He smiled warmly, showing genuine happiness on seeing her. He immediately stood up and she gave him a tight hug, which made him giggle.

“Hello, July.” Conan said, changing her name every month, as an inside joke.

She giggled as well. “Hello, Barbarian. How are you?”

“Great.” He said, both of them acknowledging unconsciously they were still hugged, but not bothering to separate. He smelled delicious, as always. He was wearing a red Harvard jacket and jeans, his hair was a bit messy; that boyish look she was used to. He had a cute little boy haircut, short but with bangs, it made him look younger, a good contrast with his massive height. They stared at each other for too long until they realized – and Conan remembered – someone else was in the room.

“Hi, June.” A warm voice came from the other couch. She blushed as she realized Luke was also there.

June separated from Conan’s embrace and walked to Luke, scratching her head as a sign of embarrassment. She smiled at him. Both hugged as well, but not for that long. Luke also hadn’t seen June in a while and he thought it would be nice to pay her a visit.

“Hi, Luke” she said. “Long time no see.”

He nodded, smiling. “How are you?”

“I’m fine.” she smiled. “Better now.”

They decided to sit on the couch again, Luke by June’s right side and Conan by her left side. Both of them were huge in height, like she was sitting between two walls. They looked like they had something to say. Conan’s eyes were sparkling; he was so overwhelmed by seeing June again that Luke had to reach his shoulder and poke him. June giggled at the scene.

“I came to ask you to go to my graduation and Luke tagged along.” Conan said a bit too fast to be perceived as normal.

“Oh yes, yes. I was thinking about that. When is it?”

“Two weeks from now.” Conan answered. “I came here basically to invite you. Will you come?”

The way he spoke made her laugh; there was an unusual urgency on his voice. “Of course I’m coming.”

“Don’t forget about mine, as well.” Luke said, calmly. “I’m hoping to see you there. It’s a few months from now.”

“I will, yes.” She gave Luke a sweet look. He nodded. “I’m proud of my future historian and lawyer ginger brothers.”

Both laughed. “That’s a weird way to put it.” Luke said. “We are also proud of you, English major.”

“You never talked about your graduation though.” Conan pointed out.

“Next month, Conan. I told you the last time you called.” she smiled.

“Oh yes, I forgot. We’ll be there. You don’t need to invite us. I’m inviting myself.”

“You don’t need an invitation. You know that.” She giggled.

June looked at Conan for a while. She missed him so much that her only desire was to jump on his lap and hug him again. It would be weird of course; Luke was there, looking at the two. He looked so… handsome. He was always handsome, but he managed to look way more handsome than she remembered. Maybe his time away changed something. She didn’t know what it was.

“Well…” Luke said, and startled both Conan and June. “We have to go. I’m sorry we can’t stay longer. We promised mom we would be there for lunch and it’s almost noon.”

“Oh… okay, okay.” June giggled, a bit embarrassed. “See you later, guys”

Both of them got up and June walked them to the front door. June was invited by Conan to have lunch with the O’Briens, but she knew it was going to be intimate. The boys were back home after a long time and for sure their parents would want some privacy, so she declined politely; and promised Conan she would go visit him later that same day. Conan smiled and his smile illuminated his eyes and his whole face in yet another moment of short, but genuine happiness.

The brothers and June hugged one last time, Conan still smelled like he used to, it brought back memories. A brief moment of satisfaction came when his large hands were on her waist and she wanted the hug to last longer than it did. She smiled at them, trying not to show how much she missed the two. In reality, as much as she wanted to suppress, she had eyes just for one.


	3. III

1978

Brookline, Massachusetts

“Hi, August!”

June heard the high pitched, but recognizable voice of Conan, calling her name. She was sitting on his living room, waiting to walk to school with him, like they did every day. Luke and Neal usually went to school earlier, a bunch of redheads walking side by side could be dangerous, and it didn’t sound like the best idea. She started to laugh out loud, when Conan emerged with his backpack, skipping happily. He had a red bow on either side of his bright orange hair that was long enough to tie.

“I’m Pee Pee Longstocking!” he said, in a girly voice. “It’s very nice to meet you!”

She didn’t know what to do but laugh; it was one of the silliest, funniest things she had ever seen. But Conan would outdo Conan after a while. He was extremely unpredictable, and when she least expected, he would do something hilarious. He blinked repeatedly; trying a cute little smile like a girl would, until Kate came running from her room, behind him.

“Conan! Stop it!” he started to laugh and Kate became even more furious. “Mom, he took my bows again!”

Mrs. O’Brien came from the kitchen, where she tried to eat her breakfast in peace, to see what was going on. She looked at Conan, seriously, and his smile disappeared. He quickly took off the bows and gave them to his sister. His mom looked at him for a few seconds more and he knew what was coming. June was still sitting on the couch, looking at the family.

“We had this conversation before, hadn’t we?” she said, her tone was so calm but also so serious, it was a bit disturbing.

“Sorry, mom.” Conan said, and looked at June. Mrs. O’Brien noticed she was there.

“Good morning, June.” She said. “Please take my son to school and make sure he doesn’t get into any trouble.”

“Yes, ma’am.” June nodded.

Both exited the house in silence but started to laugh a few steps ahead. His hair was still a bit messy and he tried to put it in place, it wasn’t so difficult. She helped him, it was a windy day and it didn’t change much. Both laughed and decided that trying to fix it would just make it worse. He didn’t seem to mind and went with it. He was wearing a green sweater, it was a cold morning.

“Your hair grows way too fast.” She said, while trying to fix her own long, brown hair.

“Every great man in this world has a mullet haircut. David Bowie, Rod Stewart, Mick Jagger. I have to have one.” He raised his eyebrow. “I’m gonna be a rockstar someday.”

“Well, you already drum, so it’s easier for you.” She smiled. “Just invite me to your big mansion in Hollywood when you make it.”

Their conversation was suddenly interrupted by a couple of bigger, menacing teenagers. Conan and June stopped smiling, to face the boys in front of them.

“O’Brien, you didn’t tell me you had a girlfriend!” the taller one said.

“Leave her alone, Mark.” Conan said, in threatening way, which ended up sounding scared. “She’s not for you anyway.”

June looked at Conan and that same feeling hit her. He shouldn’t have said that. And again, as it happened the first time they met, she witnessed a punch was thrown at his face, and a couple more, as he tried to protect himself with his hands, with little to no success. The road was still deserted, no one there to help or hear the commotion.

“Mark, stop it!” she screamed and jumped on the bully. Mark didn’t seem fazed by June’s intervention, and simply pushed her to the ground. She fell on her bottom, and tried again, but was held by Mark’s friend.

“Mark, Scott, why are you doing this to us?”

Conan could hear June’s screams and the feel pain coming from the punches on his face and stomach, and even so, didn’t regret of saying what he said. He fell on his knees, as Mark violently assaulted him. But he wouldn’t apologize. He felt the familiar taste of warm blood inside his mouth, closed his eyes and wondered how many times this would happen, until finally, the punches stopped. Conan opened his eyes to see June standing in front of Mark, a scary sight of her small body facing his tall, wide figure.

“Don’t touch him!” she screamed at him, in fury and in a lapse of judgment.

He heard as Mark’s fist hit June’s face and saw her falling, her long hair flying as she fell to the ground. She let out a moan of pain as Mark struck her mouth and nose. The scene seemed to happen in slow motion. Conan stared at her, frozen as she hit her face on the floor violently. The sound of her head smacking against the concrete was horrifying to hear.

Conan looked back at both boys, who laughed in spite of what just had happened and turned their backs to resume their lives away from the scene. He wanted to scream at them, punch them, hurt them as they did to her, but all he could do was tremble. He looked down at his hands, he was shaking. His fingers could never throw a punch. He wasn’t raised like this.

He tried, slowly, to stand up. His legs were shaking as well. It wasn’t the first time this happened, but now June was there. He came with her. He knew there was a chance that Mark and Scott would appear, but he wanted to walk her to school anyway. He was positive that maybe, just maybe, they wouldn’t come today. But they did. He looked back at her and she was still there, lying on the floor. He stumbled to her, his pathetic arms couldn’t even carry her home at that moment. He flipped her around slowly and carefully. She had passed out with the impact.

Her right temple was bleeding, and so the left corner of her mouth. Why would anyone do this? Why with her? She didn’t deserve it. He looked at her, concern and shock in his blue eyes. He knew he should ask for help, but he couldn’t scream. He muttered ‘help’ a few times until he heard familiar voices nearby. It was Neal and Luke, heading back home after noticing Conan wasn’t at school. They kneeled next to him and he was still staring at her. They asked questions about who did it and why they did it. Conan only managed to mutter one last thing:

“I’m so sorry, June.”


	4. IV

1985

Brookline, Massachusetts

June stopped by Conan’s house, back in Brookline, hours later. She moved closer to college, but her mother still lived right next to the O’Briens. It was less than thirty minutes from where she was currently living, so she visited her frequently. She had not come to visit them in a while though, and that was a great opportunity. She greeted the parents, who were on the living room and knocked on each door of the siblings, hugging every single one. The girls in particular were excited to see her.

She talked to Luke for a bit, he was particularly sad for something that happened earlier that day. His mother had thrown his old comics away while he was on college. Apparently, she thought he wouldn’t want them anymore. June remembered she used to read them with Conan sometimes. She also promised to buy him some more and hide them from his mother the next time. Both giggled. She stated again how proud she was of him. It seemed to cheer him up a bit. They hugged and June went to Conan’s room.

She never knocked on his door, just stormed in and jumped on his bed, disturbed his sleep or anything like that. She never caught him half naked or doing something inappropriate, he was usually studying or reading his brother’s comic books. Both of them were fascinated by books of any kind, she had a particular interest in fiction and he liked thick history books. But he wasn’t doing anything like that when she opened his door that afternoon.

He was sitting on his bed, his arms around other body. His lips were kissing other lips. The girl was sitting on his lap and his hands were gripping her small waist firmly. The afternoon light gloriously illuminated his ginger hair. Her hands were playing with his strands of soft hair, both breathing heavily. They stopped, and looked at June at the door, her footsteps caught their attention. Conan smiled at her, but everything she could do was apologize… and run away.

She ran to the front door, no one noticing her as she did. She ran to her mother’s house, and locked herself there. She still had a copy of the key and thanked God her mother wasn’t home. She ran to her bedroom and sat on her bed, without turning her lights on because she didn’t want him to look for her. She didn’t see him coming and she hoped he hadn’t seen her entering her house. She was out of breath, and sad. She had forgotten about it. How could she?

Lindsey. He was still dating… Lindsey. June thought she was far gone, but they were still seeing each other. They started dating the year prior, and June thought she was fine, although they didn’t really click. June was happy for Conan, but deep inside she had this feeling that Lindsey wasn’t the right girl for him at all. But who would be? He was funny and charismatic and she seemed not to get along with his sense of humor. June thought it was a waste.

She was always censoring him, telling him to stop, not in a playful or gentle way; while June usually cracked up with his peculiar way to see the world. She even believed Conan wasn’t his true self around his girlfriend. He was a giant kid, in a good way, and he always brought life into any room he was in. She didn’t like people telling him what to do and how to behave and it was worse when he actually obeyed.

June brushed this thought away many times, thinking that she was probably jealous because he was dating and she wasn’t. He probably loved her and he was happy and that’s what June wanted. His happiness, the light in his ocean blue eyes. His smile, his…

“June?” she heard a voice calling her name.

Shit.

Her window wasn’t locked and in a minute he was already in her room. It was Conan, with a worried expression. He entered easily; her window was large enough for him to enter. He walked to the light switch and turned it on to see June looking down and sitting on her bed. He hadn’t been inside her room for a while, and it was still the same, filled with Elton John posters top to bottom. A somewhat overwhelming sight. He approached her and sat on the bed beside her. She didn’t look up and she felt his arms on her shoulders.

“What was that?” he asked softly.

“Nothing.” She said. “I interrupted you and that was awkward and I’m so sorry.”

“Just because of that?” he said, almost whispering. “You made me worry back there.”

“What about Lindsey, Conan?” June looked at him in the eyes. Deep inside she knew she was asking more about their relationship in general than about the thing that just had happened.

He chuckled. “Well, I told her that I needed to check on you and she didn’t seem very happy about it.” He paused. “But we shouldn’t be doing anything like that in my room anyway, my folks were in the living room and that would be an embarrassing situation to explain.”

She giggled. “Yeah.”

He winked at her and said: “I promise you that we will go out for ice cream before I leave. Just the two of us. I’m pretty sure she will understand.”

June found extremely funny that Conan knew she was uncomfortable around his girlfriend. “That’s nice. Thanks.”

He looked at her deeply in the eyes. The pure blue of his eyes made her blush. He remained silent for a moment, studying her facial expressions. He looked serious, and her heart was beating fast, as the silence started to become uncomfortable. She was about to speak when his soft voice broke the silence again.

“Is there anything you’d like to say to me?” he asked, calmly.

It was already so difficult to talk to him after the Lindsey situation, but now he was staring directly at June, so close she could feel his breathing against her face. He didn’t move away or even made a sound, waiting for her answer. She looked at his lips, so close and yet she didn’t dare to move closer. His scent was overwhelming. She felt like her heart was about to explode.

“Not really.” She said, trying to show confidence, but in the end her words came out in a breathy, weak whisper.

He nodded, kissed her temple goodbye and left.


	5. V

1978

Brookline, Massachusetts

“Conan, take out the trash!”

“Argh, mom!”

“Take out the trash!”

Conan had finally gotten a summer job, which meant more money for him to spend on… books. A lot of them. He was late that day, and June’s mother offered herself to give him a ride to work. As Conan was leaving, Mrs. O’Brien asked him to take out the trash, since none of his siblings were around. He had to run and take two huge black trash bags out. He got out of his house, juggling one bag in each hand, a week worth of trash from a family of eight people.

He could barely walk and as he got near to the metal trash can, he lost his balance and something scratched his right leg. He fell on his left side, and June, who was waiting outside with her mom on her car, went to him immediately to see what had happened. She got to him, the white skin of his leg soaked with bright red blood. On the floor, a used tuna fish can. Apparently it had cut the bag and its sharp edge sliced his leg. He was bleeding profusely; the wound appeared to be deep.

June’s mom rushed inside to warn Mrs. O’Brien of what happened to his son. June helped Conan stand up.

“Are you okay?” she asked, worried.

“I’m fine, I guess.” He said. The blood was running down his leg to his white sock and sneaker, almost flooding them. The pain was in his facial expression, as much as he tried to deny it. He started to limp to June’s car, as she held his waist, his right arm around her neck.

“You’re getting so much taller than me.” She noted. He tried to go on alone, feeling for her and the effort she was making, but he couldn’t. June still managed to get him into the car, and her mom got him to the hospital quickly. His mom followed right after.

He lost a great amount of blood, a bit of it were now on June’s clothing. She took the responsibility of waiting with his mom outside his room while the nurse patched him up. Both of them were really worried, but the nurse assured he wasn’t in danger. It would probably leave a scar, though. As Mrs. O’Brien and June waited, his mom decided to talk.

“You really like my son, don’t you?”

June blushed. “What?”

“You really like him.”

“I… well ma’am, he’s my friend.” June said.

Mrs. O’Brien smiled. “You know what I mean. You’re always here… always around.”

June got silent. For some reason, she was really embarrassed by that.

“It’s okay. It’s our secret.” She winked at June.

Before June could reply, the nurse came out and said Conan was fine, and she advised that it was a deep wound and that he would need to rest and not move so much. They entered the room and there were some other beds there, with other people. He was lying on a bed as well. Both entered and Conan’s mom went to talk to him immediately.

“Sorry, sweetie.” She held his hand. “I’ll have a talk with the boys; I’m sure one of them left that can there.”

“It’s okay.” Conan said. “I just can’t move a whole lot right now.”

June looked at the bloody shoe on the floor, right next to his bed. He looked up at him, all cleaned up this time. His hair was a mess, and he looked paler than normal, maybe because of all the blood he lost. She got nervous; he didn’t look good at all. He stared at her, silent for a moment. His blood all over her brought memories he didn’t want to remember.

“How is it?” she asked.

“I’ve been worse.” Conan replied. His blue eyes wandered by the room for a moment. “I still have to work, though.”

June frowned. “You’re not gonna work, are you insane?! You almost died, oh my God! You have to rest!”

June said that out loud, everybody in the room heard it and looked at her. Conan stared at her, scared by the sudden outburst. His mom was the only one that giggled. The nurse said he should wait a bit before leaving, as any physical effort could make the wound bleed again. Conan showed his leg, his freckled skin covered up by gauze and tape. It calmed June down, after seeing a huge amount of blood.

-

Conan came home later that same day, and his mother made sure that he wouldn’t do anything that required any major physical labor. It sucked for Conan, being hyperactive as he was. But he took some time to read some books he had. He stayed the rest of the day and the evening in bed, eating potato chips. June went home, but decided to visit him afterwards.

She entered by his window and sat with him on his bed. “How are you feeling now, sunshine?”

He looked at her, now looking a bit healthier. “I’m better now.”

She sighed. “I’m sorry I yelled at you today.”

“It’s okay.” He said with his mouth half full. “Mom said you were just worried.”

She looked down to the cut leg, now covered by the pajamas. “How long will you be in bed?”

“I don’t know, mom said that maybe for a couple of weeks.” He offered the chips to June. “I’m sorry. I really wanted to play baseball with you this weekend.”

June nodded, chewing. “No worries.”

“Mom also said…” his voice faded.

“What?” she said, handing him the bag of chips.

“…that you love me a lot.” He chewed a mouth full of chips.

June blushed. “You’re my best friend. Friends… they love each other, right?”

He nodded. “I believe so.”

She smiled at him. “I hope you get better.”

“Me too. I want to get off this bed already.”

She giggled.

“Thanks for loving me.” He smiled, his blue eyes sparkling. “I love you too.”

June said goodbye and Conan offered the remaining chips to her. She would jump his window a lot that summer.


	6. VI

1985

Brookline, Massachusetts

Conan went to June’s encounter the next day at night, as he promised to go out with her without his girlfriend. It was difficult to convince Lindsey that he wanted some time away. He didn’t like to lie and mentioned June would go out with him before he went to California. They got into a heated discussion and it was clear that Lindsey felt threatened by June since Conan returned to his parents’ house for a few days.

The whole argument upset Conan greatly, he couldn’t think of any reason that could lead his girlfriend to hate his best friend. He didn’t bail on June though, they didn’t talk in a while now and Conan wanted to talk about his plans after graduation. They met on a diner near their parents’ houses, one that they were used to visit when they were younger. He arrived first and chose a booth next to the windows. She arrived shortly after.

Conan was bummed because of the state of his relationship but when he saw June, he forgot about it for a second. She came in, through the double doors, looking for him and smiled as she saw her tall, lean friend drinking a glass of Guinness beer. Her face lit up as she approached the booth and he couldn’t help but smile back at her. As much as he wanted to be alone, he appreciated her company more than ever.

She sat on the opposite side of the booth and ordered two balls of chocolate ice cream with a lot of cherries on top, as she always did. And Conan also ordered a whole bunch of French fries. He was wearing a royal blue polo shirt and jeans, exposing the lovely freckles on his arms. She was wearing an adorable flower dress, red flowers on a beige background. She looked beautiful, and every time they met, she looked more and more marvelous.

“How are you, sunshine?” she asked. He sighed, and as much as he denied it, he missed to be called sunshine. June wouldn’t do it in front of Lindsey, and Lindsey was around a lot lately.

He half smiled, sadly. “Not so good.” He was honest about it.

“What happened?”

He took a sip of his beer, looking distant. “I told Lindsey that I wanted to go to California and try as a comedy writer.”

June nodded. Conan continued. “She didn’t seem happy about it, and she said I have no chance.”

June frowned. “Why would she say something like this?”

“She said it’s too difficult and comedy is a dead end, and that I should just go on and be a professor or maybe a historian.” He looked outside the window, munching his fries.

June shook her head and sighed. “She shouldn’t be so negative. I think you have… a lot of potential.”

He took another sip of his beverage. “I was planning to take her with me. To start a new life. Now I can’t.”

June almost choked on a particularly crunchy fry. Something inside her wanted to believe that Conan and Lindsey weren’t serious. Now he wanted to start a new life… away. June couldn’t imagine life with Conan away from her. She never felt like this, so angry and… jealous. Angry at Lindsey, goddamn Lindsey for holding him down. And jealous of Conan’s lips… kissing other lips. His hugs warming someone else’s body. His soul dedicated to love another person. It did hurt.

“It didn’t help that I told her that I would go out with you today.” He looked down at the French fries. “She doesn’t like you at all.”

June blushed. Apparently Lindsey wasn’t fond of her and it was satisfying in a way to hear it, but in a long way, she still had him. Telling him he wasn’t as good, treating him like a pet, that makes certain tricks in exchange for food. What could June do about it? Was she the right girl for Conan? Evidently she never thought she was. She never interfered in his relationship because he seemed happy, but now he seemed hurt because he genuinely liked her.

“Didn’t you…” June stuttered. “Didn’t you… tell her how much this is important to you?”

“Yeah.” He looked up, the sadness darkened his blue eyes. He shook his head. “She said this will pass.”

They went silent for a moment and June reached for his hand on the other side of the table. His hands were big and he had long freckled fingers that she had always adored. She was devastated to see him like this, but she knew the only thing that would make him happy is to be in peace with Lindsey. She sighed and he looked at her. He smiled, as their fingers caressed each other’s hands.

“Give her time, okay.” June said softly, looking at his lovely eyes. “Maybe she will understand it… soon.”

He nodded. “I always told you that you would make it big. I believe in you.” She said.

His eyes glittered. “She should try it. If she doesn’t understand your passion…” her voice faded away.

“Then what?” he asked.

Then she’s not the one for you, she wanted to say. She doesn’t deserve your love, your sense of humor, your intelligence, your humility, the sound of your voice… your smile. The way your eyes glisten and the shape of your cheekbones as your thin lips and mouth form the most beautiful smile, the wrinkles and lines of your cheeks and your baby blue eyes when you giggle, and she doesn’t deserve…

She sighed. “I don’t really know.”

-

June walked Conan home that night, as she planned to meet her mom afterwards. Conan started to think if letting Lindsey influence his life so much was actually a good idea. He also felt that June wanted to say more than she was letting it slip. He also thought about this career move and if it was really worth it. He could lose Lindsey because of it, and as much as he hated this situation, he still liked her. Loved her? He was confused at that point. Love was supposed to be easy, right?

“Will you ever stop me from eating your French fries?” June asked, breaking Conan out of his trance. They were standing in front of his house.

“I don’t care much.” He giggled.

She was standing right next to him, his tall self looking so vulnerable. She stroked his left cheek softly, her finger tips felt warm against his face. “If you don’t try, you’ll never know.”

He nodded. “Just try it and if you fail, you can always start over.” She continued. “You have all my support if that means something.”

“It means everything to me.” He whispered.

He looked at her for a moment, until the urge to kiss the lips that have said those sweet words turned out to be unavoidable. His hands went to the back of her neck and her waist and he brought her close, to finally taste her after all that denial. She melted in his arms, as she also had been waiting for that moment for a long time. He held her so tight and desperately, but his kiss was slow and smooth, his tongue carefully caressing hers, like that kiss was his first experience and he was enjoying every second of it.

She could barely breathe, but she didn’t separate at any moment. She felt so light in his arms, like a heavy weight had been taken out of her shoulders. He smelled delicious, his body was hot against her torso and she didn’t want him to stop. She pressed him against her, her hands traveled from his waist to his head, and back again. Soft moans started to come out from both of their mouths.

“What is happening here?” an angry female voice stopped both on tracks.

They didn’t think about the consequence of that kiss. Lindsey was standing a few feet away. Conan and June separated, both were out of breath and surprised by being caught in the action. Her hands still stood on his chest for a while, until she quickly took them off.

”Fuck.” he muttered, looking at his girlfriend. “Not now.”


	7. VII

1978

Brookline, Massachusetts

June hated being home alone. Her house was too large for three people, June and her parents, she was an only child. The house had three bedrooms, the third one was empty and they used it to store stuff they didn’t have space for, including her Elton John records and additional memorabilia. June’s room was the smallest of the three, but still quite big, with a large window.

The window was quite scary without the curtains, and they usually weren’t on. That particular night was bright, but quiet. She could see a part of the yard and the window of the O’Briens house. She got chills by hearing the wind outside. Her parents were out, to a party. They trusted June was old enough to fend for herself. At this point she was sure they wouldn’t be back until down. She tried to cover up the window with a blanket, but the top of the window was too high for her to reach.

She got back on bed and covered herself from top to bottom with a thick blanket, but the house was still eerily silent, like a ghostly ambient for a horror movie. Her only company were the Elton pictures on the wall, and they were looking like a crime scene investigation board at this point. She knew she didn’t have to worry, but the whole situation was unsettling. She couldn’t do anything but stare at the window, fearing that something would appear outside her yard, a killer, a robber... or something. It didn’t help that she had watched The Texas Chainsaw Massacre a day earlier.

She decided to go closer to the window. She looked outside once again, and confirmed there was nothing out there. She looked at the next house’s window and a dim light came from there, indicating that there was someone up. It was past three in the morning at that point and she desperately wanted company. She was sure it would be a good idea to invade the neighbor’s bedroom and jump on his bed.

She opened the window and made her way to the neighbor’s window silently, jumping the tiny fence that separated the two houses. She looked inside, the curtains of his window were partially open for some reason and she could see him lying on his bed, moving around as she was doing minutes prior, maybe experiencing the same feelings of insomnia. She knocked on his window, her tiny fist making a low, but perceptible noise.

He sat on his bed, clearly hearing the knocking. He hesitated, but slowly came to open the window for his intruder friend. He was wearing baggy blue pajamas and his ginger fringe looked all messy. The moon light and the dim lamp were the only sources of light available and they gave him a ghostly, pale look.

“June?” he looked at her, confused.

She nodded. “May I enter?”

He frowned, but decided not to question it. She entered quickly and he shut the window behind him. “What’s wrong?”

“Can’t you sleep either?” she asked him.

He scratched his head. “Yeah, I think I had a nightmare and I don’t remember what it was.”

She went silent for a moment, looking around. He looked at her, trying to guess what she wanted to say. She was wearing a baggy t-shirt and sweatpants. Her face was partially covered by a dark shadow, he couldn’t read her facial expressions.

“Can I… sleep here?” her voice sounded fragile and scared.

“What?” he asked; startled.

“I don’t wanna be alone. Please… let me sleep with you.” She pleaded.

He hoped she couldn’t see his face flushing as he heard those words. A lot of questions popped up on his mind. Why? On the same bed? Don’t you think this is inappropriate? What are you doing? Why me, June? But as he thought of it, she was already sitting on his bed. He could’ve said no. But… he never said no to June, ever. She always had some of his French fries, a bite of his hamburger, a bit of his ice cream. That day wasn’t different. She looked way too scared to be alone.

“Okay.” He simply said.

He sat beside her, gave her one of the pillows he had on his bed and laid down. She did the same. The left side of his bed was leaned against the wall. He was on the wall side and she was by his right side, facing the window. His bed wasn’t so small and he was fairly skinny so she could make herself comfortable. He was as away from her as possible, respecting her personal boundaries.

Out of a sudden, she turned around and hugged him, slowly putting her head against his neck. He was paralyzed once again. He raised his eyebrows. So many questions to ask. She smelled like peach and her embrace was warm. He could feel her hot breath against his neck; his heart was beating faster than ever before. He avoided to touch her for a bit, but had to know why all of that was happening.

“Are you scared?” he asked her, his lips right next to her ear.

“Yes.” She whispered.

“Of what?” his voice sounded gentle and comforting.

“I don’t know” she replied.

He felt so embarrassed for a moment, his face started to flush and his breathing got heavier. She didn’t seem to mind and she was about to fall asleep, he presumed. However, after a while, her smell started to calm him down and he got used to the fact a girl came in, hugged him and fell asleep on his bed. It was June, just June. They were friends, right?

His eyes started to close, he felt sleepy again, for once that night. He wasn’t fighting to stay awake and just let his body drift to sleep while June held him. It felt right at that moment. Everything did. In an almost unconscious move, he let his arm go around her and hug her tightly. Her sleeping body responded by moving even closer to him. He didn’t seem to mind.

-

Luke went to Conan’s room to wake him up; he was apparently the only one that wasn’t awake. It was still early in the morning and the O’Briens were going out to camp that Sunday. He caught his brother and their neighbor sleeping on the same bed, embraced peacefully. After a couple of seconds of shock, Luke woke both up. They seemed confused and a bit embarrassed.

Luke warned both that his parents could enter the room at any second. Conan sleepily looked at June all messy, now sitting next to him and the memories of a few hours prior came back to him. June nodded and avoided looking at Luke, embarrassed by the situation. Conan followed her with his eyes as she stumbled to his window and awkwardly tiptoed to her own. Conan looked back at Luke, thinking how weird would be to explain all of that to his brother.


	8. VIII

1985

Brookline, Massachusetts

“So that’s what you came to do with her?”

Lindsey was furious, like Conan had never seen before. Her blue eyes were burning with anger and her face was red. She walked towards June, who stood there scared after stepping away from Conan. June actually knew what she did was wrong, but there was also no way she could refuse his sweet eyes, soft lips. Now, it seemed that her differences with Lindsey couldn’t be avoided.

“Stay away from him!” Lindsey said, threateningly.

“Or else?” June stepped forward. Conan raised his eyebrows, surprised at June.

“Hey, hey.” He said, getting in their way, facing his girlfriend. “No need for this.”

“Why are you defending her?” Lindsey said, a bit too loud.

“Will you stay quiet?” Conan frowned at her. “I’m not defending anybody. I don’t want a scene on the middle of the street.”

“Then why were you cheating on me?” Lindsey frowned at him, speaking at a lower tone this time.

Conan sighed. He knew he had a girlfriend when he went out with June. He wasn’t going to kiss her, it wasn’t planned. It was unexpected, a feeling that he couldn’t explain, buried inside his heart. When he saw June that close, he forgot about everything and he just went with it, a magnetic attraction that he never felt before. Someone who understood him. Someone so sweet that it was unfair…

But he had to take responsibility for his acts. “I’m sorry, Lee. This shouldn’t have happened. It was a mistake. I’m sorry.”

“I came here to say I changed my mind about California… and I didn’t know I would find you kissing another woman.” Lindsey said, disappointed.

Now, the one who was hurt was June. She felt useless. She looked at his back, soft hair, still facing Lindsey. Before Conan could direct any word to her, she silently walked away, back to her mother’s house. She thought how much better her night would've been if she hadn’t left home that night. A mistake, he said. At least now, he would make the right decision. He would leave to never come back, hopefully.

Conan hugged Lindsey, reassuring her that he was sorry for what he’d done. They remained hugged for a while until he opened his eyes and looked for June, who was already long gone at this point. He looked at her house; the light of her bedroom was on. He sighed and got back to face Lindsey, who was still hugging him and didn’t notice him looking at his neighbor’s house.

-

Lindsey stayed for a bit and talked to Conan about her change, and he was really happy about it. She explained that starting a new life in other city would be great and she could go to try modeling or even teaching, if she needed. Conan was too happy with the sudden change, he smiled and kissed her multiple times as she giggled and messed his hair. She went home a bit after midnight and Conan decided to stay over in his own bedroom, still neatly cleaned.

After lying down for a while, his bed too small to fit him, he opened his curtains and stared at June’s room. Her light was off. She could be sleeping already. But he still wanted to check on her, like old times. His window was large enough to go through it and he took the same path June used to take when she came to his window. He knocked on the glass. June turned on the light and opened the window.

“What do you want?” she asked. She was serious this time. He noticed her messy hair; reddish nose and swollen eyes. He didn’t need to ask what had happened.

“I didn’t mean to make you cry.” He said. She blinked twice and nodded.

“You said I was a mistake.” Her voice faded.

“Not you… the kiss.” He said softly. She didn’t seem to be moved.

“Anything else?” She barely looked at him.

“I never knew you had such strong feelings…” he wanted to take her in his arms again, but he knew he couldn’t.

“Get the fuck out of my lawn, Conan.” She said.

“Please don’t…”

“Just go to LA and leave me alone.” She choked.

“I’m not going…

“Go away!” she shouted at him, and quickly shut the window as the tears she tried to hold back streamed down her face.

He stared as she turned her light off and pulled the curtains. He stood there, in the cold, thinking of how stupid he was and that he couldn’t make his mind. If she told him, if she had ever told him. He couldn’t possibly know. But he had Lindsey, he did. But June, sweet June. He hated this doubt. Why did he have to say “mistake”? He didn’t mean June was a mistake. She was the most adorable…

He decided not to question that mess any further. He needed a good night of sleep. He crawled back to where he came and laid down on his bed. He let his curtains open this time. He looked at her window and for the first time in years, he hoped that she would come and “invade” his room once more. He was in fact, unconsciously lying on the side of the bed he used to sleep when she came over.


	9. IX

1979

Brookline, Massachusetts

One of Conan’s favorite activities was to watch The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson with his father. Conan thought Carson was remarkable – and no entertainer could ever reach his level. It was like having a personal hero, who was also funny, authentic and shameless. However, in a particular night, Conan didn’t feel like watching Carson and he locked himself in his room, to read. His dad went to check on him and see if everything was alright.

“I don’t feel like it, dad.” Conan replied, reading one of Luke’s comic books.

“May I ask you why?” Mr. O’Brien said.

“I’m just bored.” Conan didn’t take his eyes of the pages.

“Is it because June is away?” 

“Not really.”

“Do you miss her?”

Conan took a bit to answer. “A bit.”

He had five siblings he could bother, but it wasn’t the same. Conan wanted to go out with June and play softball with her. He could bully his sister Kate, who frequently played with them, but he would always feel something was missing. June was back to her country of origin and it had been a few weeks since she snuck into his room. He missed it. His family, with exception of Luke, didn’t know a thing about it. Conan was glad his older brother never mentioned it to anyone, when he had every reason to do it. He never brought it up when they were alone either.

“Well son, if you need me I’ll be on the living room.” Mr. O’Brien concluded.

“Okay.” Conan simply said, and he knew his father was a bit sad about it, but he didn’t want to leave the room that night.

His curtains were still open and he looked at her window from his bed. The house, illuminated by the moonlight and the weak light of the light poles on the street, was silent; as it had been for a while. He put the comic away and got up to close the curtains, to try and get some sleep. He tried to think that June would be home soon, and he would finally have company to watch Star Wars again.

After rolling around on his bed for a while, he went to the kitchen to have a glass of milk. His dad was already asleep, he presumed. He entered the kitchen and was a bit surprised to see his mother, cooking. At first he was paralyzed, but she turned and smiled at him.

“Why are you up so late, sweetie?” she asked.

“I can’t sleep.” He simply replied, directing himself to the fridge.

Mrs. O’Brien giggled. “I know. I was making you a hamburger.”

They both went back to Conan’s room, Mrs. O’Brien making sure he knew that if he spilled his milk, he would have to clean the mess up. They sat on the bed beside each other.

“I know you’re sad because of June, Conan.” She looked deeply into his eyes. He blushed.

“We would play softball this weekend.” He said.

“No… it’s not just because of that.” The mother giggled. He looked at her, confused.

“I called her parents and she’s coming back tomorrow.” Conan chewed his hamburger looking at his mom’s smirk.

“That’s good to know.” Conan replied with his mouth half full.

“Don’t worry about it, sweetie. Go get some sleep.”

Mrs. O’Brien went back to bed, after telling her son to brush his teeth. Conan finished his hamburger and went to the restroom, and while brushing his teeth he thought about June. He was so glad she would come back. It wasn’t that fun without her. He needed to see her. So they could have a movie marathon soon. 

-

“Conan?” Mrs. O’Brien called from the living room. Conan had slept in an unflattering position. His neck was hurting a bit. He mumbled.

“June is here!” she continued. 

Conan rushed to the bathroom to brush his teeth and got back to his room to change, running and tripping around stuff. He could hear some commotion coming from the living room. He ran to June’s encounter, wearing a polo t-shirt and jeans, his red hair all messy; just to be laughed at – his sisters and Luke were waiting for him.

“Oh my god, look at how desperate he is.” Luke giggled.

“Aw. He was waiting for her.” Kate said.

Conan frowned and his face flushed; he felt a mix of anger and embarrassment.

“She will arrive tonight. Don’t worry, son.” Mrs. O’Brien giggled at him, preparing herself to go to work.

Conan went back to his bedroom and locked himself. He could hear the ‘aww’ of his sisters as they passed his bedroom door. At least June would be there in a few hours. He also hoped no one told her about all of this.


	10. X

1985

Boston, Massachusetts

June left her mom’s house early the next morning. She tried her best to explain the yelling to her mother, who heard a bit of the conversation. She didn’t tell her mom she had feelings for Conan. It was something that she didn’t want to admit to herself. His eyes, his soft lips. She certainly left before Conan woke up. She didn’t want to run into him. Not for a while. She got back to her apartment, near the university. It would be a good place to live…alone.

Her place was a mess, and she tried to clear her mind by organizing it and getting the dust off of her books. She had too many books and as much as her mom wanted her back home, she also thanked God that June moved, and that she had space to put her books in order. She read a ton lot of fiction; she had horror books, science fiction books. She lived elsewhere, like her family used to say. And Conan was part of her world of fantasy.

She shook her head, and tried not to think about him. She didn’t clean her shelves in months. She could give some books away. But she always smiled at them, like they were her siblings or kids. She looked at her VHS tapes as well. How many could someone have? She had to stop purchasing so many movies. But she would never sell her Star Trek ones, no. Rental was always an option and she couldn’t wait for more Indiana Jones movies... if George Lucas decided to make some more.

June cleaned up her vinyl shelf. And thanked God for CDs. How many could she… but she didn’t want to think about that again. She stopped buying vinyl records to start buying CDs and now, the CDs were occupying more space than the huge vinyl discs. She giggled. Unfortunately for her, Elton John just kept releasing new music in a short period of time, and she always ended up buying way more copies of his albums than was proud of. She would have this argument with basically everything she had. Next would be the clothes, some of which she wouldn’t want to get rid of.

Of course, she found some of Conan’s CDs there. He was so mellow. He knew she was an Elvis person, and he tried to convince her to like the Beatles… to no avail. He borrowed her Let It Be, and she wanted to be polite and she said she would try and listen to it, but she never did. She didn’t want to lie to his face, so next time they talked; she would give it back, saying it wasn’t her kind…

Here she was, thinking about him again. She frowned and stopped everything to find something to eat. Maybe eating would make her feel better. While she walked around her apartment, she turned backwards every framed picture he was in, ten pictures at least. In two hours trying to get rid of the thoughts of him, she had failed miserably. She sat and made herself instant noodles. Yes, she wasn’t that great of a cook. She ate them, trying not to think about how much Conan loved to…

“Oh, God!” she shouted at her empty house. She just wanted to stop thinking about him. For one minute, one goddamn minute.

She finished her meal rather quickly, thinking about the mess she would find inside her wardrobe. She had many shoes and clothes she didn’t wear and giving them to the Goodwill would be a nice gesture, a thing she always thought about but never really had time to do. But there was no way she would get rid of the dresses.

She entered her room to be greeted by a picture with Conan, glued to the mirror, one that she had taken roughly six years prior, on Halloween. She still had that dress. As she opened the wardrobe door, she thought about the previous day kiss again and again and his embrace, wishing that she wasn’t so desperate to feel him again. June locked herself in her apartment on hopes that being away would keep Conan away. But he was there, in her mind… and in her family pictures.


	11. XI

1979

Brookline, Massachusetts

“Oh, hi son!” June’s mom said, greeting Conan at the door.

“Hello, ma’am.” Conan smiled at her.

June’s mom invited Conan in and he sat on the couch, waiting for June. They always went trick or treating together, little plastic pumpkins in hand. Conan was dressed as Elvis that year, a costume which June’s mom thought was hilarious. His bright red hair was in a pompadour and he was wearing all black: a black leather jacket and a tank top, tight pants, and black shoes with black socks.

June came to the living room, all dolled up. Neither of them knew the costume of the other, and both of them were surprised. June was dressed as Marilyn Monroe, wearing the white dress she was wearing in The Seven Year Itch. She had the earrings, the shoes, the red lips and even the blonde wig, all on point. Conan was speechless for a couple of seconds. June came giggling, as she noticed the Elvis costume.

“You look really nice!” she smiled at him.

“Thanks.” he said, a bit shy.

June’s mom came with a camera, and took a few pictures of the two. Conan hugged her waist. He was so much taller than her, and she was already tall. God, she smelled great. They smiled at the camera, and Conan was sure his redness was showing. His heart was beating faster and faster as they remained close. June’s mom gave them their plastic pumpkins and told them to be careful with the bullies, as they left the house.

“Your dress looks lovely.” he blushed a bit. It wasn’t just the dress.

“Thanks! I’m having a ‘Candle In The Wind’ moment.” she replied. “It was mom’s when she was younger. She was always a fan of Marilyn and she borrowed me this one.”

They walked to a random house. “You look really handsome tonight.”

He stopped on his tracks, his heart beating as fast as a human heart could. She noticed a few steps ahead and turned around, surprised. “What?”

“Nothing…” he nervously said, keeping the pace. “I thought I left the shower on, but I probably didn’t.”

She giggled. He was acting way too weird.

“Trick or treat!” they exclaimed to Mrs. Franklin, a kind old lady that lived on their street.

She smiled. “Oh, hi kids. Love the costumes; they remind me of my best years!”

She kindly filled both plastic pumpkins with candy, which made Conan and June really happy. It looked like they didn’t have to trick or treat for long. They thanked the lady and decided to go for a walk; June desperately wanted to buy some cotton candy. Conan was looking indeed great, despite his awkwardness. Elvis suited him a lot.

“Come on, Conan. I want to hear your best Elvis impression.” She said.

He outran her and stopped on her way. He finger pointed at her, moving his hips.

“Hello, baby girl. Are you ready to rock today?” he said, as deep as possible.

She laughed out loud.

He scratched his head. “That bad?”

“Not really.” She replied. “But people will probably think you’re the Fonz.”

He laughed. 

“I like the jacket. Looks good. You should wear these more often.” She walked to him and softly grabbed his collar with her free hand.

“Thanks.” He looked at her tenderly.

“Oh, look! They still play dress up at this age!”

Conan’s first reaction after hearing Mark’s voice was taking June’s hand, and run, dropping all his candy. She didn’t notice at first, but the voice finally sounded familiar. She was facing Conan at that moment, and didn’t see both Mark and Scott coming. Conan barely looked at them; he knew that if he stayed, June would sure be beaten up again. She was wearing heels, they were not that high, but it made things a bit more difficult.

Conan wasn’t going to take risks that time. He was indeed a smart ass, and he was always ready for a comeback, but he couldn’t do that around June. He couldn’t stand being the reason she got hurt. It was too much last time it happened. Unfortunately, they couldn’t outrun the bullies. Scott forcefully took June in his arms as she struggled to get away from his embrace. Conan turned around to try and get June free, but was met with Mark’s fist, striking his nose and knocking him to the ground.

“You look ridiculous.” Mark laughed at Conan, who was on the floor, with his hands on his nose. It burned badly. He could feel the blood all over his palms and fingers.

Scott was holding June tightly, and Conan got up again, dizzy, but trying to free his friend by any means necessary. Mark laughed at him and let him try. His bloody hands reached June’s hands as she tried to set herself free, and as he was managing to do it, Mark threw one last punch at Conan. He fell, humiliated again, the left side of his hitting the sidewalk.

“No!” June screamed, as Scott finally let her go. She ran and kneeled next to his bloody friend. He looked pale, in contrast with the bright red blood coming from his nostrils and mouth. She came closer; her hand shyly touched his hair. He blinked twice, and tried to get up. Slowly, she helped him sit down, he was a bit dizzy. He was so much taller than her, and she was afraid he would fall again.

“Are you okay?” she asked, tears about to run down her face. She was kneeling on the sidewalk, her arms all soaked in his blood, all their candy scattered on the floor.

He stared at her without saying anything. He wasn’t okay. That wasn’t okay. She saw it happen all over again, how powerless he was. He couldn’t even defend himself, let alone his own friend. He had trails of blood down his neck. She looked like heaven, so beautiful despite all that happened. The tears were frenetically streaming down her cheeks, her lipstick was now smeared and traces of his blood partially covered her terrified face. But there was no beauty compared to her.

She went to touch him, she touched his cheek and he unconsciously bent down in her direction. She hugged him, wrapping her arms around his shoulder and waist. He let his head rest on her left shoulder. She felt his blood soak her dress, but she didn’t care about it. She ran her fingers through his hair. He closed his eyes and felt safe in her arms. His hands slowly hugged her waist. She was his guardian angel.

He was strong. He didn’t cry.


	12. XII

1985

Boston, Massachusetts

Conan woke up at 10 am and decided to visit Lindsey to talk about the trip. The truth is, he was barely able to sleep that night. He was stressed, and sad. He looked tired. He was thinking about June all the way to Lindsey’s place, and he wanted to visit June, to tell her he was an idiot, and to ask for her forgiveness. But he knew June was probably hurt, and didn’t want to talk to him at all. He understood that. He hoped it wouldn’t last long. And he also wanted to be a good friend to her.

Friend? Friends don’t kiss each other, and he knew that. Friends don’t desire their friend’s lips. Friends don’t… yeah. Friends don’t do that. Maybe June was more than a friend, or maybe he was so weak and hopeless that night that his only comfort was kissing June, to feel her lips against his, to warm him inside. It felt right, but maybe it wasn’t. Conan feared he used June emotionally. It was too selfish. But deep inside he knew it was way more complicated than that.

Conan arrived at Lindsey’s apartment, his mind still at June. He went up the stairs to the second floor, and knocked on the door. A thought invaded him at that very second: he might have been knocking on the wrong door.

Lindsey opened the door to greet him, but not the way he expected. “Come in.”

He raised his eyebrows at her serious tone. He entered and sat on the couch.

“I wanted to ask you something.” she said to him.

“Okay, sure.” he replied.

She paused. “I just wanted to say that I initially refused to go to Cali because my friends are here, and my family is too. I don’t know if I could abandon them.”

Conan nodded. “I see.”

“...but I thought about it and I think it would be great for me to go there. Lots of opportunities.”

Conan smiled. “I knew you would understand.”

“I also want you to cut every contact you have with June, from now on.”

Conan froze. “What?”

“I don’t want you to go see her, I don’t want you to talk to her, and I don’t want any letters when we move.”

“Lee...”

“I knew she was up to something.”

“It wasn’t her fault, Lindsey.”

“She was always with you, all the time. I knew it was no good.”

“She’s been my friend since I was fifteen!” he said, surprised by what was happening.

Lindsey shook her head, already noticing Conan’s resistance. “I saw you with her that day, and it just tells me you are more than friends. I don’t want that.”

Conan wanted to say it completely his fault. He wanted it, he desired her lips, he wanted that kiss. But he knew it was wrong of thinking about her that way. He messed up his relationship pretty badly, and he felt like his friendship wasn’t better either. Maybe June needed some time alone, but not like this. Conan never had imagined a life without June. He didn’t even think it was possible. And now he had to deal with an extremely difficult choice.

“I told you I was sorry. We don’t need to do this.”

“It’s either June or me, Conan.”


	13. XIII

1980

Brookline, Massachusetts

“Conan? What are you doing?”

June went to visit Conan as usual, and went straight to his room. He wasn’t there. She looked for him around the house and found him staring at himself on the mirror, silently.

“Nothing.” he looked extremely sad.

“What’s wrong, sunshine?” she gently asked.

“Don’t call me that.” he frowned, and walked out. June instinctively walked back to give him room to walk and he went back to his bedroom, closing the door behind him. She wondered why her friend was so frustrated, and walked to his bedroom as soon as he closed the door.

She opened the door and saw him sitting on his bed, looking out the window.

“Conan, we still have time to go out today… you wanna grab something to eat?”

“No.” he said.

“Come on, you love St. Patrick’s Day!” she said, trying to cheer him up.

“I’m not in the mood for leprechaun jokes this year, June.”

June came by and sat on the bed, by his side. Talking about it started to make him frown. “Care to tell me what really happened, Conan?”

He sighed. “People keep telling me I look gross, and I usually don’t care but...”

“...but Kaley was laughing at you, right?”

Kaley Kells was Conan’s crush during sophomore and junior years of high school. June always saw her as a bully, she wouldn’t directly engage in it, but she encouraged bullying against other people, by pointing and laughing at the insults thrown at Conan and many other students. Conan, on the other hand, fell for her, and refused to believe she was mean. She had blue eyes, blonde hair, the petite dream girl. Conan was always trying to make her laugh, and she would laugh at him, but not for the right reasons.

“Am I doing something wrong June?” Conan said, still frowning and looking at the window.

“Yes.” June said, now looking angrier than ever. Conan noticed the change in June’s voice and looked back at her.

“What...”

“Why do you keep doing this, Conan? Seriously.” June asked, harshly.

“June, Kaley isn’t...”

“Yeah, I know. But if she keeps doing this shit I’ll fucking punch her in the face.”

“She’s not...”

“She’s mean, Conan. She’s fooling you. She doesn’t like your jokes. She thinks you’re pathetic!” June exclaimed.

Conan was surprised at June’s reaction. The truth shocked him for two reasons: he never expected to be referred to as “pathetic”, it hurt him deeply. But most of all, the way June was willing to defend him from Kaley’s ridicule. Deep inside he knew he was making a fool of himself, but he was pretty optimistic it would work somehow. June certainly wanted to say it for the longest time, considering how she just exploded like that. She wanted to be there for him more than anything.

“Well...” Conan said. “That’s not really nice, June.”

“I’m sorry, sweetie.” June relaxed. “I just hoped you realized...”

Conan sighed. “I see what you’re saying. It’s just a bit hurtful to accept it.”

“You’re not pathetic...”

“I know.”

“Your freckles are adorable, and… your eyes aren’t ugly, okay? They’re just lying to you.”

Conan felt warm for the first time that day. “Thanks, March.”

“Do you still want to eat?”

He giggled. “Of course. I always want to eat.”


	14. XIV

1985

Brookline, Massachusetts

Conan left Lindsey’s house with a mix of terrible feelings. He was heartbroken, he was sad and anxious and it felt like a heavy stone was placed inside his heart. Conan did assure Lindsey he would stop seeing June. He thought to himself it was a coward move, but he also remembered June wanted to be alone. Maybe there was something he could do after a while, to convince Lindsey that June was just a friend and that he loved Lindsey more than anything.

But he was lying to himself. He didn’t love Lindsey. Deep inside he knew. But for some reason, he didn’t want to end with her and thought their relationship just needed a few repairs, like a broken car or something that could be easily fixed. He had nowhere to go now. Maybe Conan didn’t want to be alone, and that was the reason he was still holding up to Lindsey. But he shook his head, thinking that this uncertainty was caused by the heated discussion they just had.

He had nowhere to go, but his parents’ house. He entered the living room, and his mom was there, immediately noticing the concern look on his face.

“What happened, sweetie?” his mom kindly asked.

He sighed. “Lindsey wants me to stop seeing June.”

His mom frowned. “What?”

“She said I spend a lot of time with June and that we are more than friends.”  
  
Mrs. O’Brien thought the same. Ever since Conan was fifteen, he would bring June to everything. She didn’t feel bothered, and her husband seemed to like June as well. But then, when Conan was sixteen, maybe seventeen, she started to notice the way he looked at June. She’d never seen such a warm smile coming from his lips before. He would always treat his neighbor like a friend, but his eyes said something different. His body language would say he wanted her, he wanted to kiss her, and be with her. His mom noticed his change next to June and next to Lindsey. He would be more outgoing, his funny, silly self when June was around. The girl clearly loved his jokes and the way he filled the house with joy.

Lindsey’s presence, however, made him tone down a lot. She would give him these looks when she thought he was being too much and he would immediately stop. Mrs. O’Brien thought it was rude at first, for the fact Conan was her son and she always loved his silly sense of humor. But she thought that was Conan’s decision to make. She got her son back when Lindsey was not there, and she wanted it to last. But Conan was dating Lindsey for almost two years now and if he said he was happy, she would not interfere...but she knew he wasn’t. And she thought Conan was a bit stubborn to admit his unhappiness. He clearly wanted it to work.

“Do you want my advice?” his mom asked.

Conan sat on the couch and sighed. “I am a bit lost. I would love to hear what you have to say.”

She sighed. “Look, son… it’s your decision to make. You’re twenty-three now, and I think you’re capable of making it on our own. How do you feel?”

“What do you mean?”

“Are you happy?”

He hesitated. “Of… of course I am mom, why do you ask?”

She paused, sighed and nodded.

Conan waited for his mom to talk, a bit nervously. “I need to know something.”

“What is it?” he asked.

“Do you think of June way more than you intend when you are with Lindsey?”

“What do you mean?” he started to get anxious.

“What I mean is: how much do you think of her? How much do you think of her while doing other things, while dating Lindsey, when you are on Lindsey’s presence?”

Conan was in a loss for words. “I...”

“How many times June came through your window this summer?”

Conan flushed. “Mom… what?”

“I already know it happens, Conan.” his mom laughed. “I just want to know if she still does it and if you miss it.”

Conan put his face in his hands “Oh, God.”

“Do you feel like hugging her until the end of time, that being with her is the only thing that will ever make you happy?”

“Mom!”

“Answer me.”

He looked down. “I… I don’t know.”

“Do you feel like kissing her? Cause I already know you did.”

Conan looked at his mom, scared.

“I didn’t hear much of it, Lindsey is really loud. But I know you did.”

“I did kiss her, yes.” Conan was a bit embarrassed. “It felt right.”

Mrs. O’Brien sighed. “Stop everything you’re doing and go after her. She’s clearly the one you’re after.”

“Mom, I am dating...”

“Yeah, Lindsey. You’re dating Lindsey. But are you truly happy, son? Think about it. Who makes you happier? Who makes you smile like there’s no end to life? Who does it for you?”

It wasn’t that simple. Conan still felt he owed June an apology and that he should tone down to go back and make Lindsey happy. But… he wasn’t happy indeed. It felt like all the effort he put in this relationship was to make her happy. But what about himself? He tried, but he didn’t remember of any instance of Lindsey trying to make him happy. It was just about her, what she wanted, where she wanted to go, the movies she wanted to watch, the sex she wanted to have. Hell, even the sex was all about her.

“Thanks, mom. I’ll think about it.” he said, and left the room.


	15. XV

1981 

Brookline, Massachusetts 

“Where’s Conan?”

Mrs. O’Brien smiled. “He’s in his room. He’s writing his essay to Harvard.” 

Conan was extremely intelligent. For his age, for anyone. He was an excellent writer, so excellent in fact that June thought he put her to shame. He could write comedic pieces, political pieces and even historical pieces like no one. His grammar was next to perfect. June adventured herself in creative writing. She wrote such well crafted dystopian worlds, and Conan often said her stories were his favorite thing to read. They didn’t envy each other’s skills, but rather helped each other in times of need. A good partnership. 

“Howdy, sunshine.” she said, as she opened his door. He didn’t listen. He was too concentrated to do anything.

She sat on his bed and he took a while to notice she was there. “Hi, June. I’m sorry. Didn’t see you there.” 

“Are you writing your essay?”

“Yes. I think I scrapped twelve drafts at this point. I am kinda nervous.”

He went back on writing. She smiled. “Are you going to prom, Conan?” 

He shook his head. “I don’t think so. I feel it’s kind of stupid.” 

June’s smile dropped. “Why so?” 

“I don’t know… I’d have to dance with someone, I’d have to rent a suit… besides, I don’t think any girl would want to go with me. So I’m not asking anybody.”

June sighed. She wanted to ask him, but she felt weird about it. He never thought of asking her, and it was kind of disappointing. She just wanted some company, and thought that he would be the perfect one. It would be just a night of fun and they would eat a lot… but now she would have to decide to go alone, or to find another prom date. 

“I’ve heard you already turned your essay in.” he continued, reading what he wrote at this point.“

“Yes, I did.” June paused for a second, her eyes seemed distant. She looked down.

“I wish dad could read it.”

Conan got silent. June’s father had apparently left about a year prior. He left a note, but never said goodbye. June’s mom was left in tears. She didn’t want to talk about it, neither did June. Sometimes she got that vague look in her eyes, when she talked about her dad. He wasn’t close, he didn’t have time or patience to deal with June, and she would always end up with the O’Briens when her mom was away. Her mother was everything she had now, being a foreigner who came to the United States for a better life. She deserved so much more than this. She deserved all the love one could give her. 

“What if I don’t get in, Conan?” she asked, her voice cracking.

“I bet you will.” he said, looking directly at her. “You are the most intelligent person I know.”

She was on the verge of tears when he said it. It promptly made her cry on the spot. He was so sweet. In her mind, June didn’t deserve such kindness. She always thought that studying hard and trying to succeed as much as she could would somehow keep her life in order. But a lot of things happened, a lot of things that she couldn’t control. The loss of her father was one of them. June considered it a loss – it felt like he was dead. He never came back, and June believed he never would. 

June always thought her mom was the foundation of her family, even before her dad left. She was a strong female figure, always defending June, fighting for her well-being. She came to parent teacher meetings, always worried with her daughter’s grades. She taught June about life, and how it isn’t easy all the time. But June never thought that her dad leaving would affect her so deeply. Sometimes she blamed herself for his lack of interest. She always thought she wasn’t good enough, and that it made her father run away. Her mom assured her it wasn’t the case, but June didn’t seem to believe it. 

Conan stared as his friend cried. It wasn’t fair to her. He thought, on a moment of silliness, that offering June his own family would help to ease the pain. But it didn’t. He took her on vacations, on trips. She appeared on family pictures constantly. His siblings and his parents didn’t seem to mind. They enjoyed June’s company. Luke found a friend in her. She was adorable and sweet. But Conan knew he couldn’t fix everything for her as much as he wanted to. All he could do was offer June comfort and support. These were tough times for her. And she was strong, but he understood her reasons to cry. 

Conan approached June and gave her a hug. She hugged him back, her arms around his lean waist. She closed her eyes and the tears finally ran down her face. He smelled so good, he always did. She was sobbing and he didn’t know if hugging her was the right choice. But it seemed like she needed that hug. June actually felt thankful for this act of kindness. She felt safe in his arms for a bit. Safer from the cruel world. He didn’t say a word, just let her cry. And she did, for a bit. Silently. She feared that even her suffering would bother people. One of the things that went through her head was… how can someone would ever hurt Conan? Mark and Scott were huge assholes. 

He broke the silence. “You’re more special than you think.” 

She sighed, and smiled. 


	16. XVI

1985

Boston, Massachusetts

“Why did you take so long to pick up the phone? I was worried sick!”

“Sorry mom… I thought it was someone else.”

“I want to talk. I’m coming over.”

June shivered. Maybe her mom heard everything that happened the night prior. She didn’t want to talk about it and thought that maybe she could make something up… but no. Her mom was coming over and it was going to be bad. June could handle confrontation from anyone, but her own mom… June noticed the tone and it wasn’t flattering. It was a very serious and urgent tone, and June knew that she would probably be scolded by her mom as soon as her mom arrived to her apartment.

June opened the door to be greeted by a tight mom hug.

“How are you, honey?”

“I’m okay, mom. Why do you ask?”

“Why did you leave so early?”

“I...” June paused. “I needed to clean my apartment.”

“Does this had to do with Conan and what happened yesterday?”

June sighed and closed her eyes, defeated. “Yes.”

June’s mom came and sat on the couch. June instinctively sat beside her. Being raised as a Christian, June was absolutely sure she would be called out for her behavior, if her mom heard everything, she would know about the kiss…

“I know that you’ve been jumping Conan’s window since you were fifteen.” her mom began.

June panicked. She stuttered nervously. “Mom, mom… I’m...”

“I did think you deserved a nasty beating back then.” she continued. “But I thought about my childhood instead.”

“I always told you that you could date whoever you wanted to.” June remained silent and teary.

“I never told you anything about sex. I don’t know if you both ever had sex and it’s not my business.” June’s mom continued. “But I want you to know that I never wanted to raise you like my parents did. And I won’t.”

June nodded. “But we never had sex, mom. I just felt safe with him, because I always sleep alone...”

“I see.” June’s mom sighed. “You like the boy a lot, right?”

June got teary. “Yes.”

“Does he know that?” June’s mom now looked slightly concerned.

June shook her head. “I’m not sure. I don’t think so… I was angry last night but I never told him more than that...”

Both sighed. June didn’t know if she would see Conan ever again. She would miss him desperately. She hadn’t thought about that until that moment. He said he was going to California. The other side of the country. Not impossible to meet and hang out eventually but… what worried June the most was the way Lindsey appeared to control Conan, like a puppet. Maybe her sudden change of mind was another way to keep him in check. June wanted to say this to him, but she… didn’t want to lose him, or to break his heart. She hated not knowing it, because it affected their friendship in so many ways.

Or maybe… June should just let it go. Let go of Conan. Letting go of Conan would also mean letting go of his family. She would have to let go of her memories with them, she would have to get rid of her photos with him and start over… in another city maybe. Boston and Brookline were… him. He showed the places to eat and have fun, and the aquarium, and… how was she going to visit those places and not think of him? June had to admit for the first time that all of this meant she liked Conan more than a friend, but no, not like a brother. She had to tell him.

But she needed to talk to someone else first.


	17. XVII

1981

Brookline, Massachusetts

The day prom was scheduled to happen, Conan was busy. He had decided not to go, and his father asked him to buy some manure for the garden. It was okay, it did stink a lot, but he went to the store and stacked those bags in the back of the truck. Now he was stinking as well. Great. But it was okay, since he would be home soon. He was calmly driving back to his house when he stopped at a sign. He noticed a very shiny limo stopped right next to him. He looked inside.

June? She looked amazing. God, she looked gorgeous, like an angel. Who was she with? Johnny? She was going to prom with Johnny? I mean, Johnny wasn’t that bad, but Conan would never guess June was going to prom with him. At this point he didn’t know why he cared. She was distracted talking to Johnny, and she had a smile, until she turned around and locked eyes with Conan. She looked at him, all messy and a bit dirty, then looked down, and they drove off. Conan didn’t function for a couple of seconds.

He felt so stupid. She asked him if he was going to prom. And he said no. She clearly wanted to go with him. Conan didn’t want to admit how jealous it made him feel. He decided it was a waste of time, but seeing June with someone else… he sighed. He drove home, feeling like he was on automatic pilot for most of the trip. That image of her wearing a beautiful black dress and the curls of her long brown hair, with those red lips wouldn’t leave his head soon.

Conan parked the truck and entered home to meet the frown of his siblings. Maybe he was stinking more than he thought he was. He immediately went on to take a shower, images of June popping up in his head. He tried to convince himself that he had made the right decision on not going to the prom, but as the water ran down his body, he regretted treating the subject the way he did. He even remembered she seemed a bit sad when he said he thought prom was stupid.

Conan ended up acknowledging that if June had asked, he would do it in a heartbeat. But he didn’t know, and he didn’t notice the clues. He stepped out of the shower, and went to his bedroom to put on some comfy pajamas. He deserved it after carrying bags of shit around for most of the afternoon. By the time he finished, everybody had left. He didn’t feel like going out and he pretty much wanted to watch Star Wars by himself in the living room. He prepared some popcorn, he burned some few little corns, but it turned out more than fine.

He had just rented the VHS for The Empire Strikes Back, and he decided to watch it with a copy of the original Star Wars he already had. He had the house to himself after all, so he made himself comfortable and grabbed a good amount of junk food from the kitchen, including some chips, cookies, and a bottle of soda. He would eat his frustration away, apparently. He popped the movie in, and a bit after the plan to blow up the Death Star was explained by the rebel forces, someone knocked on the door.

Conan frowned. He had hoped he would be alone for at least three hours. He got up to open the door and there she was. June. Her tiny fist was still up to knock on the door one more time when their eyes met the second time that day. She was looking way better than he realized. Looking at her from afar didn’t make her any justice. She was breathtaking. Her smell was delicious, her lips looking so kissable, and he knew that as he realized it, he got redder, and he felt himself blushing, but he couldn’t help it. They stared at each other for a while. June shyly smiled at him.

Conan’s hair was wet, and he had that pleasantly fresh smell of someone who just got out of the shower. He was in pajamas, so adorably cute that she couldn’t help but smile. He ended up smiling to her as well, as she entered his house. She was supposed to be at prom, and he knew it, but he didn’t have the courage to ask her why she wasn’t there anymore.

“I’m sorry.” June said. “I didn’t want to bother.”

He shook his head. “No, it’s… okay. It’s okay. I was just...”

She remained silent. “I was just watching Star Wars.”

“Oh.” she said. “I… I was at...”

She decided not to go into it. “May I… stay here?”

He nodded, feeling a bit nervous. “Yes, yes. Of course.”

Both sat on the couch, and Conan proceeded to share the food with her. She made herself comfortable, to the point she was leaning against him, her face against his shoulder, next to his neck. His arm went around her to the bowl of popcorn and it stayed there for the rest of the first movie. They had two pauses for bathroom breaks, and Conan eventually asked June why she wasn’t at prom.

“Johnny… I went with Johnny.” she began. “But he wasn’t really interested, and we aren’t that close. I started to feel bored and I just wanted...”

Her voice faded. “It wasn’t fun there.”

‘But it feels fun when you’re around’, she wanted to say. Conan understood this feeling, and it was the same feeling he had when June traveled and spent time away. He never complained, he thought he would be perceived as clingy, but things were infinitely more interesting and fun when she was with him. He smiled at her, realizing that she left to be with him and he never felt more flattered. Suddenly, not going to the prom wasn’t the worst thing ever after all.

“You look amazing.” he said. It sounded more like a whisper, they were so close now and Conan couldn’t hold it any longer. He felt himself blushing after he said it, not sure of what her reaction would be. She blushed as well, not expecting it, and not expecting to feel so warm inside. Her heart started to beat so fast, but she tried to keep her cool.

She approached his face and kissed him on the cheek, something that she had done previously, but not in this context. He felt her warm lips on his face, and he felt as she left a bit of her lipstick on his skin. A perfectly shaped red smooch. She had her eyes closed while kissing him, and he slowly closed his, enjoying the moment. She opened her eyes to look at the bright red lip shaped mark on his cheek, and she couldn’t help but laugh at the contrast between the lipstick and his pale skin.

While giggling, she proceeded to kiss him delicately, until the left side of his face was covered with gorgeous red kisses. They both giggled as it happened, and Conan felt something… that he had never felt before. He started to consider the possibility that yes, he did like June. And that he wanted more than kisses on the cheek.

At that exact moment, Kate came home, to find Conan and June dangerously close to each other, while her friendly neighbor covered her brother’s face in kisses. Both Conan and June were startled and Kate started to giggle, while June left the house, a bit embarrassed. Conan ran to the bathroom to get rid of those very public displays of affection, but not before looking in the mirror and admiring those lipstick kisses for a bit.


	18. Interlude

1981

Boston, Massachusetts

Conan decided to take a walk alone in Boston. He headed to the New England Aquarium, an excellent place to be alone and to admire sea life. He liked to see the dolphins once in a while. He had his comfy Ireland t-shirt on, very proud of his heritage. He thought about his Harvard application while he was walking around the big tanks filled with fishes, of different kinds, shapes and sizes. He thought about having one of his own, since he was planning to go to Dartmouth if he wasn’t selected at Harvard, and any other pet wouldn’t be allowed.

As he walked, he was approached by Mark and Scott… and some other guys he had never seen before. He tried to lose them, but they recognized him, being that tall and pale, with red hair, it was difficult to hide.

“Oh, hey, Conan.” Scott said. “Where is that nice friend of yours?”

“Get lost, Scott.” Conan said, as he tried to ignore them.

Mark approached Conan. “Hey, that’s not a good way to treat your friends.”

Conan rolled his eyes.

“What are you doing here all by yourself, huh? You don’t have that cheap whore with you anymore?”

Conan didn’t want to fight, but he also didn’t want to flee. He ignored Mark and pretended to pay attention to the fish. Mark didn’t seem intimidated by the people walking around the Aquarium, and continued teasing Conan. Scott did the same.

“Do you have any cash on you?” Scott asked.

“Yeah...” Conan innocently answered.

“Gimme.” Mark said.

Conan frowned, still looking at the huge fish tank. “I’m not gonna give you money.”

“Why not?” Scott said.

“Because I don’t feel like it.” Conan turned to them, and met Scott’s fist. He was punched several times in the nose, really hard. It happened so fast, that he could only feel the pain after falling to the ground, his hand immediately covering his nose, in an act of self defense. He wanted to cry. Mostly because of the shame, and the pain. But again, he didn’t.

“Tell June I said hi.” Scott said, before going the other way, calmly.

-

“How is my boy, is his nose broken?” Mrs. O’Brien asked.

“Broken? Good God. It’s a bag of bones situation.” said the doctor.

Conan was silent during the whole examination. He was in pain, and he was beginning to think this would never end. All he could think is that he had actually invited June to go to the Aquarium with him. She would end up like him, or worse. He was glad she couldn’t make it. As he thought of it, she entered, running. The concern in her eyes made him feel ashamed. He couldn’t even protect himself and he was sure June thought he was a failure as a man.

“Are you okay?” she asked. She had a sad look on her face.

“Yep.” he said. He didn’t want to talk. He didn’t want any pity, from anyone. It was a bit selfish.

She came closer and stared at him in the eyes. “Are you sure?”

He looked down, right at her. Even though he was sitting on a chair in the emergency room, he was way taller. “No.”

It wasn’t everything okay. He was emotionally and physically exhausted. Something had to change. Life, as it was going, wasn’t feeling that good. Turns out that he didn’t want to live like this, and he had to do something about it.

He had to fight back.


	19. XIX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters were added (13 and 16) to develop the story a little more. I'm sorry it's taking that long to update. I hope you like it!

1982

Boston, on way to Cambridge, Massachusetts

“This way, Mr. Cosby!” said the lanky redhead.

Bill Cosby was one of the greatest comedians of all time. He began his work as a stand up comic, and quickly rose to stardom, due to his sharp wit and observational comedy. Now a very popular star, Mr. Cosby was contacted by Harvard, to receive an achievement award for his contributions to entertainment. He arrived at the airport in a private jet, and immediately looked for a limo that would eventually take him to the event. Instead, he met nineteen-year-old Conan O’Brien, gesturing to an old station wagon.

Bill Cosby entered the back of littered car. Within two to three minutes, he noticed a hamburger wrapper over the backseat with him. He showed it to the redhead.

“Oh, don’t worry about it, Mr. Cosby. Just throw it away.”

Conan felt nervous like never before. Yes, he had lied to Bill Cosby. He had convinced the comedian to come to Harvard to receive an award that didn’t exist, and he didn’t know what to expect. He drove the twenty minutes from the airport to Harvard, and Cosby was surprisingly nice and funny all the way. Conan hoped he never found out he was going to a fake event, to receive a fake award and completely waste his time.

As they arrived at the Harvard Lampoon, a sea of people were waiting for them. Conan was wearing a tuxedo, as his friends were, to make everything seem believable. He found everything so amusing, because they clearly looked and sounded way too young to host something worth going to. But Bill Cosby once again was very friendly to the audience as Conan presented him, and handed him a bowling trophy. Cosby thanked them for the award and gave a truly funny and entertaining speech.

-

“Oh no, Conan.” June laughed. “You didn’t.”

“I did.” he smiled. “I have pictures.”

Conan handed June the newspaper. She giggled at the sight of tall, young O’Brien, next to Bill Cosby, the legend.

“Wow! I mean… what if he finds out?”

“He will, eventually. But I’m hoping he won’t… come back here to pursue legal action.”

Conan drove five hours from Boston to New York City just to meet June. He was sure he would be yelled at for borrowing his dad’s car, but it was worth the yelling. They were sitting side by side on a Starbucks, due to Conan’s obsessive love for coffee. June was having hot cocoa as usual. Conan and June started trading letters even living five hours apart. Both were really busy, and at this point, they could see each other only once a month.

“How is uni going, sweet pea?” June asked.

“It’s awesome.” Conan smiled. “I met someone.”

“Oh, nice.” June smiled. “I bet you met a lot of new people.”

“No, June… I met someone.”

June got silent for a moment. “Good for you.”

“Her name is Roxy.” Conan said. “We started dating last week.”

“Nice.” June looked down at her cup of hot cocoa. “I’m happy.”

June wasn’t. She felt weird. She didn’t know what that weirdness was. It wasn’t right. She didn’t think about Conan getting a girlfriend and how it would affect her… but this wasn’t about her. This was about Conan and Conan was so happy. So she put up her best smile and smiled at him. But that sour taste of sadness lingered in her mouth. Who was she? Was she good? Was she as good…

“And you, June? How’s Fordham treating you?”

“Ah… I’m alright. It’s great… my English professor doesn’t like me, but it’s okay.”

“What do you mean?”

“You know, he’s the ‘I don’t like questions, fuck you’ kind of guy…” June smiled. “But I’m gonna go through this. Hopefully, he won’t be here next semester.”

“Are you gonna kill him?” Conan jokingly asked.

“Yes. Will you help?”

“Sure. I rather be at your side than being your enemy.” Conan giggled.

June smiled at him, feeling the need to hug him for a bit. She did it, putting her head on his shoulder, and hugging his waist. He smelled so fresh, like he had just shaved. She felt his hand slowly holding her waist, tightly. Conan however realized he was dating now, and after a while, stopped hugging her.

“I have to go, June.” he said.

She sat back straight. “Really?”

“Yeah.” he smiled sadly. “Roxy is waiting for me.”

June nodded, sadly. “I see.”

He kissed her on the cheek. “See you, March.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bill Cosby is used as a tool to advance the plot, I don't like him or support him whatsoever.


	20. XX

1985

Boston, Massachusetts

“Luke?”

“June?”

“I want to talk about something.”

June knew Luke would listen to her, and he would not judge. She knew… he had seen a lot of June and Conan together. Most of all, June needed a friend. She went to his place and sat with him to talk, and Luke was available, but intrigued as to why June suddenly called him. They decided to go out and eat where June and Conan used to. They ordered their cheeseburgers and a big portion of fries, Luke ordered a can of Coca-Cola and June a milkshake, as always.

“What’s troubling you?” Luke asked, seeing the concern on her face.

June sighed. “I… I want advice.”

Luke raised his eyebrows. “Okay…” he paused, and June noticed he probably found the situation really weird. “What seems to be the problem?”

“Well, your brother...”

Luke shook his head playfully. “Oh, I knew it!” he exclaimed. “I knew it.”

“What…?” June asked.

“I knew it would be about Conan. You like him a lot.”

June got silent. “I think I do...”

“We always wondered why you guys never dated. Now he’s dating Lindsey, who’s a trainwreck.”

June raised her eyebrows. “You don’t like Lindsey?”

Luke shrugged. “No one likes Lindsey, but the only one who ever told it to her face was Justin. We only have to stand her because she’s dating Conan.”

June didn’t make it clear this was about a loving relationship, but it was clear as day, by the way Luke reacted, that he knew what she was talking about.

“I just… I wonder if I should tell him how I feel.” June finally said.

“Why are you asking me?” Luke said, in a very lighthearted tone. “Of course you should.” June giggled.

“I’ve known you since I was sixteen… and I also know my brother enough to say that he always liked you. He always did.”

Luke continued. “This is not about me not liking Lindsey at all – I can stand her for the sake of Conan, but you came to hear my input on it, which I think you don’t really need.” he smiled kindly. “Just go for it, June. A broken heart heels, but the uncertainty and the regret of not saying anything never goes away.”

She nodded. “Yeah. You’re probably right. It’s just… I feel like I’m trying to break up a couple.”

Luke laughed. He leaned in and said to June: “Please do it, I’ll pay you if you do.”

June laughed. “Luke, you just said you would stand Lindsey for Conan.”

“Yeah, but I was just trying to be nice. Please. Do it.”

June and Luke continued eating and talking about their plans for the future, Luke’s plans after graduating and if he really thinks his career as a lawyer looked promising. June assured Luke that he would probably be okay, and that she had faith in him. Luke appreciated June’s kindness and wished her good luck on her education career. The conversation was uplifting and both of them appreciated the company.

After saying goodbye to Luke, June rushed home to call Conan. She had no idea where he was, but she desperately needed to confess her feelings for him, even if she had to do it via a phone call. As she approached her doorstep, she saw two familiar figures, looking for her. Conan and Lindsey, side by side. They noticed her approaching and turned to her. Conan had a sad, apologetic expression and Lindsey looked mildly annoyed.

“Hi, June.” Conan said.

“Hi, guys.” said June. Lindsey didn’t bother answering.

“I hope you didn’t forget my commencement is tomorrow.” Conan smiled awkwardly.

June raised her eyebrows. “Yeah, I had completely forgotten it.”

“I hope I see you there.” Conan replied.

“Sure.” June nodded. “See you there.”

Lindsey tugged on his jacket. Conan nodded back to June and went away with his girlfriend. June sighed as she watched them go. Now she had an event she couldn’t ruin… she felt like she couldn’t wait much longer. Hopefully June would confess everything before Conan went to the other side of the country.


	21. XXI

1982

Cambridge, Massachusetts 

Roxanne was unusual. Or maybe she wasn’t, and Conan was the only one who thought she was. He never thought he would end up with a person like her. She had long, dyed blue hair with bangs and piercing green eyes. She looked like trouble, she was trouble indeed. Her dark makeup, her leather jackets and the smell of cigarettes that emanated from her clothes made Conan insanely horny. Just the thought of actually fucking a girl like this sent him to the moon.

He didn’t know why, or how, but he caught her attention. They crossed paths one day, and even a little nerd like Conan couldn’t just pass on this girl. In no time, they were already making out on the corridors, behind buildings and anywhere they could. Conan loved the possibility that they could be caught one day, and it just made everything more fun. Roxy, as he called her, then wanted to take it to the next level,  after two or three weeks. She promised him a night he would never forget. She snuck into his dorm at night, while his roommate was out.

His first time went way better than he expected. His body was pleading to be touched by anyone other than himself. He felt so nervous, but she made everything so easy. She knew where to touch, where to nibble and the way she crawled over him to suck his cock was one of the sexiest things he’d ever experienced. Her hot tongue, her tightness as he fingered her, the sound of her moans, her hands softly exploring him.

He held her close, thrusting into her, holding her thighs, her hands running up and down his stomach, leaving all his nervousness behind, to embrace the feelings  and the overwhelming attraction and desire to fuck the shit out of Roxy.  Losing his virginity on that tiny dorm bed late at night felt so right.  She gave herself to him fully, with so much passion that he was sure that was the best day of his life.

They lied naked side by side for a few minutes, Conan had a big smirk on his face, his cheeks and nose were bright red and his body was sweaty and he felt so deliciously dirty, like he was supposed to. Roxy then got up and started to dress herself pretty quickly, in the dark. Conan looked at her back illuminated by the moonlight coming from the windows. He turned on the lamp of  his nightstand, to help her. He then observed as she quietly put her boots on. It did feel a bit unattached, but he understood she had to go before someone knew what was happening.

Roxy turned to him one last time to say goodbye and she saw a picture on his nightstand. She hadn’t noticed it before, and it caught her eye, now she could see better. She took it on her hands. It showed Conan smiling, eyes closed. He was side hugging a girl, she looked equally happy and they seemed close. She had long brown hair and she was smiling as him, eyes closed, holding a cappuccino cup on her right hand.

“Who’s this?” she asked, still analyzing the picture under the dim light of the lamp.

Conan looked and recognized the frame. “It’s June.”

Roxy remained silent. “ F riend of mine.”

Roxy nodded. She put the picture back where it was. She ran her fingers through Conan’s hair as he was on his side, and kissed him goodbye. As she left, Conan looked at the picture he had on his drawer. June would live inside a Dunkin’ Donuts if they let her. That picture was taken by Kate,  the day both Conan and June decided to celebrate their birthdays eating the most unhealthy food they could buy. He smiled at it, forgetting about the rush of blood and adrenaline after having sex for just a second.

That picture was taken the year prior, both Conan and June had birthdays in April, and Conan conveniently called her April for the whole month. She was used to these jokes by that time, and it was such a bad joke that it was funny again. Both couldn’t drink, or commit crimes for that matter, so it was the only way they found to celebrate. They had a little party for Conan that and afterwards, the kids went out by themselves, to the nearest place they could find.

-

Roxy didn’t know why Conan chose this picture to frame and put on his nightstand. He never noticed, that day, that Roxy felt a bit bothered by it. She feltweird. He talked about June sometimes. All the time. Roxy didn’t know who the girl was, until she had sex with Conan for the first time. That picture showed how close they were. And it wouldn’t be a problem if Conan talked about other girls, female friends,but it was just… this one. June this, June that.

This went on for months, and Conan remained oblivious to it. He would drive meet her every month, they exchanged letters and all of it felt so... intimate. She read them once and the way they talked… nothing sexual came out, but they knew each other for years… she shook it off, thinking it was just a bit, maybe a lot of jealousy. The few times they met, the way June called him ‘sunshine’ and the fact she hung around a little bit too long… it started to bother Roxy way more.

“Conan...” Roxy finally decided to ask. “What’s the deal of you and June?”

“What do you mean deal?” Conan said, reading.

Roxy was sitting on his dorm bed, while he was on a chair. “She’s my friend.”

“You friend seems a little bit touchy for me, don’t you think?”

“What do you mean...” Conan was distracted and didn’t realize that discussion was about to become serious.

Roxy took the book out of his hands. “She’s totally into you, and you seem to like it.”

Conan frowned. “She’s my friend...”

“She’s too friendly… just a bit too much.”

Roxy was the total opposite of June. She was three years older than Conan, she was a smoker, a heavy drinker and she knew way more about the world than June could ever and yet… she was fighting for the attention of a nineteen-year-old boy who was probably in love with his high school friend. Roxy tried to put some sense into his head, but for some reason, Conan always dismissed that as being “only a misunderstanding” and that they were “friends” and nothing more. She trusted Conan, but she felt his heart was somewhere else.

“She’s in New York, Roxy.”

Roxy nodded, and hoped she stayed there forever.


	22. XXII

1985

Boston, Massachusetts

“Why did you have to invite her?” Lindsey said, as Conan drove her home.

“She’s my friend.” Conan wasn’t in the mood for a fight and by Lindsey’s tone of voice, maybe it was what she wanted.

“What did I tell you...”

“Mom told me to, she’s a friend of the family as well.”

“Conan...”

“I’ll stay as far away as I can be, okay?” Conan reassured her.

“Yeah, but she’ll still be there.” Lindsey started raising her voice.

“She will, she’s friends with Luke, Justin loves her, and so my parents. You don’t have to talk to her if you don’t want to.”

“God, Conan. For once I thought you understood what we talked about.”

“And what is that?”

“The fact she’s always around you, she likes you, and she wants to be with you.”

Conan remained silent for a moment. “And now, I kindly asked you to be away, and you’re still not away. This just means you want her too. You kissed her, Conan. Right in front of me.”

“I already said...”

“Yeah, and all you said is bullshit. I don’t believe you want us to work.”

Conan stopped by her house, and walked her to her doorstep. It was time.

“I wish that you did as I say just for once.” Lindsey frowned at him.

Conan stared at her for a few seconds, that felt like years. Lindsey was never happy. They dated for a year and a few months and it finally clicked. His life drastically changed after he started dating her. The few friends he had, even in college weren’t as close. He felt better alone with them, and with his fellow writers at the Lampoon than with her. She would go to his dorm at three in the morning to convince him to go out and buy fast food, because “she wanted it so bad”. He felt used, and she would continue to use him and he had to stop her of doing so.

Conan shook his head. “I do whatever the fuck you say, whenever the fuck you want.”

Lindsey’s eyes widened. Conan continued speaking, inches away from her, looking down and staring her in the eyes. “I’m tired of it.”

He continued, staring at paralyzed Lindsey. “I’m your useful idiot. I’m the one who drives you around, where you want to go. I have to be at your doorstep when you want. You call my parents late at night when I’m not where I’m supposed to be.”

Conan shook his head, in what was more of a rant than a confrontation. “It’s all about you, all the time. I can’t even remember the last time we had sex and I enjoyed it. It’s always so one sided. Every time.”

He sighed. “I kissed June. I was wrong and I’m sorry. I was looking for the emotional support you never gave me. It was wrong and I regret it.”

Lindsey frowned at him, trying to hold back the tears, but he continued. “I won’t regret this, though.”

She shook her head and finally broke down. “It’s over, Lee. It’s not working out.”

“See?” Lindsey’s voice cracked. “I told you she would do this to us.”

She was a mess of tears, but Conan was firm on his decision.

“I’m doing this for me. Goodbye, Lindsey.”


	23. XXIII

1983

New York City, New York

“What? You spent a night in jail?”

“Yes.” Conan smirked. “It’s a long story.”

Conan was back in New York, he called June beforehand to tell her he was coming by. The weather was pretty nice, he decided to see her during spring break. He took the train and arrived by the end of the afternoon. They stopped at for hot cocoa again, but decided to take a walk and talk for a bit.

As usual, and as everybody knew, Conan enjoyed pranks. Not simple pranks either – like scares or pie on the face kind of pranks. His Lampoon friends weren’t different, and they tried to make the most out of them. They pissed pretty much everybody off, even some students weren’t amused by it, especially the Harvard Crimson writers. Conan was caught and jailed for wasting everybody’s time, but as he told June what happened, and he saw the smile on her face, he knew it was worth all the trouble.

Conan and his friends decided to trick the Boston police by posing as construction workers, with uniforms and tools. They went to downtown Boston and started jack hamming the pavement. As silly as he could be, Conan phoned the Boston police reporting the crime: some college students with hats and construction gear started destroying the pavement, and they should be stopped… soon.

He then phoned the Massachusetts state police, to report another crime: college students, dressed as police officers, were disrupting construction workers and they should also be stopped… quickly. They watched the police arriving to arrest… the other policemen. As hilarious as it was, law enforcement figured out who was the mastermind behind the “crime” and Conan was arrested. From the moment he was handcuffed and his rights were read, to the moment he was conducted to a police station and had to sleep behind bars, it was a surreal experience.

“Roxy didn’t really care about it… or found it funny.”

June shrugged. “Well Conan, it’s pretty stupid, I have to be honest.”

Conan smiled sadly at June.

“Don’t be caught the next time.” she said, and both laughed out loud.

-

“So you’re leaving?”

“It’s my last semester here.”

Conan sighed, in frustration. “Are you… moving?”

Roxy already knew Conan wouldn’t last with her. She didn’t know at this point that dating him was good or bad, but she knew deep inside and in the long run, they weren’t made for each other. This was not about marriage, or about having kids. It was just about a person she liked and admired very much, but that wasn’t the right fit. Breaking the news like this wasn’t the easiest thing to do.

“But what about us…?”

Roxy sighed. “I wish I could do this differently.”

Conan looked puzzled. He was standing in front of his dorm, with his then girlfriend telling him she had to go. “Why...”

“We’re not working out. I think we have different goals...” she smiled sadly.

“I’m gonna move out soon, and we won’t work out far away. I hope you understand.”

Conan nodded. “I’m doing this now because soon I won’t… be here. And I don’t think that just disappearing and not answering calls would be fair to you.”

“This is not fair, Roxanne.” Conan said.

Roxy wanted to be honest. One of the reasons this relationship wasn’t working out was because maybe Conan was too young and she was probably his first girlfriend, and maybe he didn’t know how to deal with it. He wasn’t unfaithful, he was really respectful, but something was missing. He wasn’t completely present. He devoted a lot of time to… June. Roxy never thought he would meet June to cheat, he never lied, he always told her he was with his best friend.

Roxy only realized, after that picture on his nightstand, and observing the way he acted when he talked about June and the amount of time that he spent with her, that he was probably in love. She didn’t feel used, or betrayed, but his heart was in the wrong place. She wouldn’t ask him to drop June from his life, they were really close and it would ruin a friendship for a very short lived romance. However, Roxy felt more comfortable just breaking up and going separate ways, as friendly as she could do it.

“It’s not… but it has to be done.”

Conan closed his eyes and shook his head in denial.

“Farewell, Conan.” Roxy said, teary. “I wish you the best.”

Conan would think about Roxy for the next several weeks. They were together for seven months, seven intense months. He would see her around, and she would avoid him as much as possible. He would then glance at her from afar, until the day she just disappeared. He would walk around the corridors, hoping he would see her again… but no. He wasn’t devastated, or broken, but he missed her presence. As the weeks went on, he did realize Roxy was probably right – they weren’t made for each other. He remembered her fondly, and he didn’t hold anything against her.

She had been great, supportive. Conan still remembered her voice, and her smell and he understood that at the end of the day, it’s best to break up amicably than fighting and breaking each other’s hearts, and that sour taste that lingers for months. Conan at the age of twenty had been through his first breakup, and as disappointed as he was, he grew past it and learned with it. Not everything has a happy ending. People are unpredictable, situations change, and feelings change. He was okay with that.


	24. XXIV

1985

Cambridge, Massachusetts

“Aren’t you coming?” Mrs. O’Brien called. “I hope Conan reminded you!”

“Yeah, yeah. I am. Thanks for inviting me, ma’am.”

June didn’t know if going to Conan’s commencement was a good idea. He was with Lindsey the last time they talked, and he looked miserable. She had that power over him, and June knew how uncomfortable it would feel being there with Lindsey hovering over Conan and giving her dirty looks, as it has happened before.

Now Mrs. O’Brien called. She was personally asking June to be there for her son, and it was really difficult to say no. June couldn’t just skip it, as she was reminded she was family and the whole family would be there. She sighed and dragged herself to the bathroom to take a shower. She didn’t know what to do with her hair, or what to wear, she hadn’t thought of it, but she decided just to improvise. She left the shower in a hurry, she washed her hair and now it was messy, wavy and wet. That would have to do.

She looked for a black cocktail dress, and ballet pumps. Better than heels, and more comfortable. She was hoping her hair would curl naturally and that would be a nice look. She looked for a pair of pressure earrings, probably the only woman in the world who didn’t have her ears pierced. She preferred not to, earrings were just for special events. Her makeup was light, except for the bright red lipstick.

As June got ready, she heard a knock on her door. It was Luke, offering her a ride. She had no idea how she would make it in time, she was on her apartment, and it would take at least forty minutes to get to Harvard. She forgot to tell them she didn’t have a ride, but luckily Luke assumed it, and he drove them there. The whole family was waiting for them, Conan’s parents and his siblings. No sight of Lindsey. June thought it was strange, but she was relieved.

“Where is he?” June asked, as they sat way back on the Old Yard, glancing at a sea of caps and gowns in front of them.

“I don’t know...” Kate whispered. “Somewhere.”

Conan was graduating with honors from Harvard. His parents were proud, and so was June. The troubles Conan had during his thesis and the state he was in while writing, he put so much effort in everything he did  he was the president of the Harvard Lampoon for two terms, and he was loved by his professors… and the librarians. He would go in, singing to the book checker while returning his books. His friends  got used to his happy-go-lucky personality. He was a young funny man, always good spirited, but never lazy with his academic duties.

June felt warm inside as she heard Conan’s full name being called, the moment he waited for four years had arrived. She also thought about the possibility of Conan going away forever, and she knew she had to tell him. She observed at he went back to his seat, did he even know she was there? She had to wait for the whole ceremony, with that doubt  and as the caps flew to the air, at the end of it all, she ran to him. She was thankful she wasn’t wearing heels that day.

Conan  was standing and greeting his friends, his graduation cap back on his head. He hugged a couple of them before feeling a warm, soft touch on his left shoulder. It was June. She pushed him back to his seat gently and his knees gave out as his sky blue eyes stared at her, so beautiful.  As he was sitting there, confused and amazed, she kissed him, softly. As their lips touched, Conan closed his eyes, pressing his lips against hers, lightly.

She whispered at him, and even though he could barely hear her, he understood everything.

“I love you.”


	25. XXV

1983

Brookline, Massachusetts

Conan was planning to watch the Superbowl with his siblings that year, but the Patriots didn’t make the finals, to his frustration. So he decided to hang out on his parents’ house, reading Luke’s comic books and trying to fit on his bed – he was already too big during high school, and he couldn’t anymore. He had a lot of books to read and most of his siblings were out. The house was mostly silent, except for Conan’s dad watching the TV in the living room. Conan took his pants off, threw them on the floor and just relaxed for a bit.

After a while, Conan fell asleep, the open book sitting on his chest, his mouth slightly open. The bed, whilst tiny, was very comfortable. The phone started to ring. The house was now silent, it was close to ten, and Justin was asleep. The phone continued to ring for a while, and it started to bother Conan who kept sleeping, but was mildly awake. He grunted, closing his eyes and hoping it would either stop, or someone would pick it up. He was relieved when he heard a click and ‘hello’.

“Conan!” Justin called.

“Oh, holy shit.” Conan mumbled.

Justin ran to his room and shook his brother. “Conan, Conan, that guy at the bar wants to talk to you.”

Conan frowned. “Who…?”

“He said it’s urgent.” Justin replied.

Conan lazily walked to the phone and grumpily talked to the stranger. “Who is it?”

“Conan?”

“Yes…”

“Hey, it’s Jake…”

“Hi, Jake...” Conan sounded confused.

“I’m sorry I woke you up, but I think that your friend is here. The one… long brown hair, brown eyes… the girl...”

“June?” Conan frowned. “June doesn’t drink.”

“She’s here with a guy and she just looks really drowsy and they’re about to leave…”

“Who’s with her?”

“Scott… Scott Walker.”

-

Conan ran back to his bedroom, put his pants on, took his dad’s keys and went to look for June, no time to actually borrow the car. Justin was left back at home, Conan couldn’t take him, he wouldn’t have the time to take care of his brother and the situation ahead. Conan knew exactly what Scott wanted to do, and he nervously drove as fast as he could to Jake’s bar, his hands clutching the steering wheel as hard as humanly possible.

He parked, cold sweat running down his forehead. He entered the bar and saw Jake trying to convince Scott not to take June away. Scott had his hands wrapped around June’s waist, and she was trying to stand up but she clearly couldn’t walk on her own. He tried once again, and Jake saw Conan approaching rapidly, his face fully flushed, bright red, full of anger.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?” Conan said, in a surprisingly low tone, to Scott.

“That’s none of your business, O’Brien.” Scott replied.

“Hi… Hi, Conan!” June said, completely drowsy. She barely had control over her limbs.

“I’m gonna call the police on you, Scott.” Jake said. “The girl is almost passing out. It’s not the first time.”

“Leave her alone, Jake. She clearly wants to go with me.”

Conan stepped over to take June away from Scott and they struggled because Scott didn’t want to let her go. Jake threatened to call the police once again, and Scott had to give up. As Jake’s friends and some costumers kicked Scott out of the bar, Conan took June home. She couldn’t walk, so he carried her to the car, her arms around his neck and her feet dangling on the air.

”You… you ruined everything.” June said as Conan put her on the passenger seat.

“What?”

“He said...” she paused. “...he wanted to talk and he’s sorry...”

“He’s not sorry, June.” Conan said as he drove off. He was visibly angry at the situation, he sounded heartbroken.

“Are you angry at me?” She looked at him, her eyes going all over the place.

Conan sighed. No, he wasn’t mad at her. He was just terrified, he was anxious. He kept thinking about how the situation would've unfolded if he hadn’t appeared, the fact that he took too long to answer the phone and these thoughts were so overwhelming that he was lucky he didn’t crash his dad’s car. He was starting to shake and he took deep breaths as he tried to control his anxiety, and June noticed this, although she was almost out.

“I’m… not. I’m not.” he sighed. “I was just worried… I was worried about you.”

Conan drove to June’s mom’s house. He thought it was more appropriate – June shouldn’t be alone, she was starting to drift off. He took her in his arms once more, and called for June’s mom, who was horrified to know what had just happened. According to her, June had left alone, and she didn’t know June was going out to drink with someone else. Conan believed Scott had tricked her into a conversation and put something in whatever she was drinking, and at this point it didn’t matter if she was drinking alcohol or not. He proceeded to carry her to her bed.

“Why don’t you ever kiss me?” she mumbled at him. “Am I ugly?”

She had her hands around his neck again, but she passed out before he could answer. ‘No’, he thought. ‘You’re beautiful. You’re so beautiful.’ He knew she wasn’t thinking straight and maybe she was exaggerating, it wasn’t the place or the time to ask for a kiss. He put her down and looked at her. He felt horrible, and gross. It wasn’t his fault, none of it was. But what if he wasn’t there…? And that’s why he was so nervous about it. He stood there for a while, next to her legs.

“Thanks, sweetie.” June’s mom came to the room. “I’ll talk to her in the morning.”

“It’s not her fault. Just please, don’t let Scott get near her.” he whispered.

“Don’t worry, son.” June’s mom touched his shoulder. “She’s safe now.”

He nodded. She gave him a hug in return, to thank him once more, and he left.


	26. XXVI

1985

Cambridge, Massachusetts

“Congratulations, sunshine.” June said. “You are now a human being.”

Conan invited June while he was with Lindsey, and he was sure June wouldn’t appear that day. He didn’t have the courage to go and announce they broke up the day prior, and he didn’t even know if June would ever want to talk to him again. His breakup with Lindsey was indeed to save himself, and to have some inner peace. Even if June rejected him, he would breakup eventually. But that kiss… meant everything to him. June didn’t know they were over and she kissed him anyway. She had those feelings… and he couldn’t be happier.

June soon learned that Conan and Lindsey were no longer together and at this point, she couldn’t hide her happiness anymore. It was a bit mean maybe, but Lindsey wasn’t like Roxy. When Conan was dating Roxy, he was really happy, he didn’t have restrains. She lost the count of how many moments Lindsey had ruined because she was selfish and desperate for attention. Now June could admit she was jealous of Lindsey, specially of how Conan treated her.

No matter what was the situation, Conan never raised his voice at her or treated her badly. He wasn’t innocent, but he would go out of his way to please her, while all she did was to treat him like utter garbage. June hated to admit it was a flaw, and she noticed this even on their friendship, he always worried too much his friend wasn’t having a good time and June didn’t need much to appreciate Conan’s company. What she disliked the most is how deflated Conan looked when Lindsey complained of his humor, his jokes or any of his natural behavior. And June loved him the way he was.

She held his hand as they left the venue, and Conan and June decided to split. He gave his cap and gown to his mother, stripping down to a white button shirt, black slacks and black wingtips. His family drove off and the couple went to the nearest subway station. They continued holding hands, without saying much to each other, and just appreciating the fact they were together. Close. Conan decided to eat while they were coming back to Boston. They left the station and walked to the nearest Burger King when she saw someone, across the street. She stopped and Conan noticed she did and while still holding hands, he stopped and turned back to her. She was frozen in place.

“What?”

Conan turned his head to where June was looking and she was staring at Scott. He felt her hand start to shake and he held her hand tighter, as to protect and comfort her. They entered Burger King and June looked down at her feet, while Conan continued to stare at Scott, trying to scare him or just to show him that she was protected. Conan knew he wasn’t the athletic type, and he was sure he would be mercilessly beaten up in a fight against Scott, but he would do anything to defend June.

“I don’t think we should eat here.” June stopped right in front of the doors.

“Why not?” Conan turned his attention to her.

“What if he does something…?”

“He better not try.” Conan said, and looked back at him. He seemed to be leaving.

June was worried, but Conan tried to make her as comfortable as possible. He loosened his grip, drawing circles on the back of her hand with his thumb and they finally entered the place. He was beside her as she ordered a cheeseburger and a chocolate milkshake and a bunch of fries. His order was the same, except that he ordered a diet coke to drink. They sat, facing each other and started to talk. The food was ready quickly. Conan wanted her to relax forget about Scott.

“So, Mr. Hot-historian-ginger-guy, how did you break up with your asshole girlfriend?”

Conan chuckled. “Wow.”

“No, really.” she laughed. “How…”

Conan unbuttoned his cuffs and started rolling his sleeves up. “I was sick of her.”

June observed as his long fingers folded the fabric of his shirt, exposing the lovely freckles on his arms. “I don’t even think we liked each other.”

“What do you mean?” June said, taking a sip of her milkshake.

He shook his head. “We were a convenient couple. I was convenient to her, but she never stopped to think about how I felt. I realized it was one sided.”

“Are you sad?”

“Nope.” he smirked. “Should I be…?” Conan replied, chewing on his sandwich.

“No. I just thought you would realize it sooner.”

Conan sighed and looked down. “She was manipulating me, we got to a point that we couldn’t go on.”

“What happened?”

He looked back at June. “She said I had to choose between her and you. And losing you was never an option to me.”

June smiled and felt her cheeks get warm. Conan noticed and giggled.

“So you thought losing your girl for you smelly friend was somehow good?”

“Yeah. There’s also the fact that I want to be more than a friend to you.”

She raised an eyebrow. “What if I don’t want to?”

“Get real.” he shook his head playfully. “You do.”

“This means I’m gonna continue stealing your fries.” she smirked.

He nodded. “I’m okay with that.”


	27. XXVII

1984

Boston, Massachusetts

“This is my girl, Lindsey.”

Conan had invited June to see Ghostbusters on Saturday, and they planned that she would come to Boston instead of him going to New York, and she came. But he didn’t know he had a girlfriend. This relationship must have been very new. June wasn’t as close to Conan as she was before, and this could’ve been going on for months. June smiled at the girl, and Conan looked really happy again. After breaking up with Roxy, Conan needed someone to make him laugh anyway.

But Lindsey wasn’t as enthusiastic to meet June. She had a monotone response, a very dry ‘hi’ as she replied. June just nodded her head politely after that. They were holding hands, and they entered the movie theater holding hands. June tried her best to enjoy the occasion.  It was a comedy movie with ghosts, starring Bill Murray. Nothing could go wrong. She bought a huge bucket of popcorn and a can of grape soda. Conan did the same, and Lindsey insisted she didn’t want anything.

“Are you gonna eat all of that alone?” she looked at June.

“Yeah.” June nodded. “I usually eat half of it before the movie.”

Conan laughed and nodded, hinting he also did the same. Lindsey rolled his eyes and they  went in . The room was almost full, but they got to their reserved seats. June tried to enjoy the movie without paying attention to his best friend and his girlfriend sucking face every ten minutes or so. Conan apparently started to get tired of it and just watched the movie instead. Lindsey left two times to go to the restroom, sign that although she said she didn’t want anything, she was actually drinking Conan’s soda. The few minutes she wasn’t around  were glorious.

“Did you like the movie, sunshine?” June asked as they left.

“He has a name, you know.” Lindsey fired at June.

“Yeah, sorry about that.” June shrugged.

“It was amazing!” Conan smiled. “God, I love Bill Murray.”

“Right?” June agreed. “I thought it was awesome too. Can’t wait to rent it and see it again. It was really funny.”

“And you, Lindsey?”

“It was alright.” She smiled at Conan. “It was better than I expected.”

June raised her eyebrows, smiling uncomfortably. “Yeah, glad to know.”

Over the whole year, Conan would bring Lindsey to everything, and June’s first impression was actually how she was, every time they met. Selfish, with a great sense of superiority. June tried to have fun with Conan, she couldn’t see him as much, and for a while, Conan didn’t answer her letters. Usually, due to the fact it takes five hours to go to Boston, June wrote Conan and he wrote back.  After a while, he sent letters way less frequently. June realized that maybe Lindsey didn’t like how close she was to Conan. She hoped that he was still receiving them.

Lindsey one day confronted June about the letters and she stopped sending them. The letters had everything from campus life, to new things both were learning in their fields that eventually overlapped, June always talking about her love for Edgar Allan Poe and  Conan talking about Flannery O’Connor. The letters were intimate, showing how much they valued each other as friends, but Lindsey felt differently about June. Conan gave way too much attention to her.

For that reason, June stopped attending family reunions for a while, or she would just attend when Lindsey wasn’t there, which meant Conan also probably wouldn’t. He started missing his own family gatherings because Lindsey wanted his full attention, until his mom called him out on it. June also had to stop calling Conan “sunshine” a thing that she did since both were fifteen. She took it in, smiled and went with the flow. But her biggest desire was Conan not being together with her anymore.

Conan felt bothered by the way Lindsey treated June, and he tried to clarify that she was not only a friend of his, but a friend of the family but it didn’t help at all. After June decided not to appear on Conan’s parents’ house for a while, she was a bit more bearable. The thing is, Lindsey was extremely jealous, not only of June, but of Conan’s entire family. It was noticeable after Conan stopped spending time with his siblings and parents less and less. His siblings didn’t like Lindsey, especially Justin.

“You’re insufferable!” Justin snapped one day, during family dinner. “That’s why we don’t like you!”

“Well, I don’t like you either!” Lindsey exclaimed, and left the table.

Conan was mad at Justin for a while, because saying that about someone the way he did wasn’t polite at all. Mrs. O’Brien reprehended Justin, but the damage had been done. They never spoke a word to each other again. The family gatherings started to feel weird. His parents decided not to say anything, even though deep inside, they agreed with Justin. It was Conan’s decision and he said he was happy, even though he was extremely miserable by the end of the year.

June’s letters to Conan were all hidden in his bedroom, at his parents’ home in Brookline. He talked to Lindsey about sending her at least a birthday or a holiday card for a while. By the end of 1984, the letters ceased. Conan was always honest to Lindsey and she ended up manipulating him away from June. He missed her terribly, but he thought it was for the best. He felt empty and it took him some time to realize why.


	28. Breaking Point

1985

Brookline, Massachusetts

“Oh, what I would give for a night with you...” Conan purred, right next to June’s face.

She was standing on her toes, a few inches away from his lips. “Stop being dramatic.”

June had her fingers on Conan’s hair, softly touching his scalp. He gently sucked her lower lip and she smiled as he did. They were standing in front of June’s mom’s house, it was already dark, and the weather felt nice. His hands felt warm on her hips, he was holding her so close their bodies were touching, in a mildly sexual fashion. He smelled lovely, like he just got out of the shower, and it had been hours since his commencement, but she was still smelling so fresh. Her toes gave up after a while and he bent down to kiss her once more, and he could stand there kissing her forever if she let him.

“Just today, okay? I promised my mom I would sleep here tonight and she’s waiting for me.” she trailed a path from his cheek to his lips with her index finger.

He smirked. “Okay.”

June kissed his neck. “Night night.” She said, her lips lightly pressed against his soft skin.

He sighed, smiling. “Night.”

They parted ways, and Conan walked to his parents’ house, to give his mom a hug before leaving. They still turned to each other and smiled, before Conan went in. June was looking for her keys, when she felt someone coming behind her. She chuckled, Conan apparently didn’t want to wait one more day. She turned to him, a big smile on her face.

“Conan, can’t you just wait…”

A hand held her. “Not Conan.”

Scott had followed her back to her house. She opened her eyes as soon as she recognized his voice. She struggled to get away from his grip, he was holding her wrist so tightly his hand was shaking. She looked at him, and saw nothing but contempt in his eyes.

“Let me go.” she said, trying to look tough, but little June couldn’t scare tall, wide Scott. He seemed determined.

He smiled. “So you’re O’Brien’s little bitch now, huh?”

June tried to kick him, but failed. Her keys fell to the floor. Scott took her other wrist quickly. “You’re coming with me.”

June screamed, but her scream was quickly silenced by one of Scott’s hands, and he struggled with her, kicking and trying to scream, but he overpowered her. Scott dragged June through the yard, as she tried, with her two hands, to loosen his grip. It didn’t make any difference. She started to cry, her muffled screams didn't reach anyone but the two of them. She looked at her house and at Conan’s house, both houses had lights on, people were there, and they were so close. She didn’t know where Scott was taking her, and she was becoming tired of kicking and screaming.

Scott was holding her by her waist, her back pressed against him and his hand continued to be on her mouth, she could smell his filthy scent as the tears rolled down her face. She tried, as a last resort, biting one of his fingers. She tried once, twice, but his hands were sweaty and the tears were making everything slippery. She succeeded the third time, drawing blood out of his middle finger, biting him so hard it caught him off guard. He loosened his grip and she ran to her house, screaming desperately, her mouth tasting like sweat and blood.

Scott outran her, grabbed her long hair and threw her to the ground. Conan and his family heard the screaming, and ran to see what was happening. As Conan stepped outside, he looked at June’s house, and witnessed a scream that was silenced by a punch. He watched as a big shadowy figure dragged someone away by the hair. He recognized the shoes. Conan felt the ground disappear under his feet and a second later, he projected his whole strength into a punch, right on the side of Scott’s face. The punch was so strong that made Scott let go of June’s hair. He lost his balance and hit his head against the mailbox before falling to the ground.

Conan dropped to his knees, noticing it’s Scott. He proceeded to punch Scott more, and more, lacerating his face in the process. June mumbled, and he didn’t notice. June called, and he didn’t notice. She screamed, her blood curdling scream resonating all over the neighborhood.

“Stop!”

Conan was on full motion when he registered the scream and punched the concrete of the sidewalk, breaking the four fingers on his right hand and tearing the flesh around his knuckles. As he did, Luke and his father took him off, but he wanted to continue punching the apparently unconscious body on the floor. Scott deserved it, he deserved so much more than just that. Conan was filled with rage, bright red, the veins of his face and neck popping up as he tried and struggled with his brother and his father, because Scott dared to touch June again.

“Conan, Conan.” Luke said. “Relax.”

Conan was grunting angrily, still trying to reach Scott but he quickly gave up. He fell to his knees. He was sweating, breathing hard, his lips trembling. His white shirt was covered in blood splatter. June was laying down on the floor right next to him. He approached her, with the help of his left hand. Her arms were open, her long hair darkened by the pool of blood under her head, caused by Scott as he threw her to the ground. Her nose was bleeding, and there was blood coming down her slightly open mouth. There were tears under her eyes. She was out. Conan’s trembling left hand went to caress her head, his fingertips covered in her blood.

Soon, June's mom came out of the house to see her daughter on the ground, bleeding profusely.

Conan wasn’t that strong anymore. He cried.


	29. XXIX

1984

New York City, New York

“Lindsey is starting to get pissed.” Conan laughed, as both he and June walked around Times Square.

“Well, you keep being jailed, Conan.” said June, amused.

“Almost… jailed. Zucker is such a boring guy. I hope I never see him again after I graduate.”

The Harvard Crimson and the Harvard Lampoon had a history of rivalry. Their writers couldn’t stand each other. Lampoon writers considered Crimson writers uptight assholes, without a sense of humor; and the Crimson writers thought Lampoon writers were incompetent goofs. Conan planned some stunts on them over the years, and one of them included making porn hotline pamphlets with the number of one of the students of the Crimson, Jeff Zucker, and putting them everywhere. He didn’t think it was funny.

Conan once decided to steal the Crimson newspaper as soon as it was printed, seriously upsetting the writers. Jeff then had no option but to call the police, who came to arrest the students at the Lampoon, and Conan had his rights read to him for the second time. Tired of all of it, he decided to hand the newspapers back, because it’s better than being jailed one more time. Since his rights had been read, he was technically arrested for a brief period of time. Still, it was hilarious.

“You have to stop.” June laughed. “Don’t you have something else to do at Harvard, Conan?”

“Well… I already have the idea for my thesis. So yeah, I may have to stop everything.”

“Oh, yeah. I’m thinking about mine too. How is it going?”

“I haven’t started… yet. But I will soon. I still have a year to go.”

“Hi, June!” said a young man, among the crowd.

“Oh, hi Jake.” said June. Conan observed as this guy gave June a hug.

“This is my friend, Conan.” June said.

“Oh...” Jake seemed a bit deflated. “Hi.”

Conan nodded at Jake. “Nice to meet you.”

June nodded back and turned his attention to June. “So, are you going to Nina’s party tomorrow?”

“I don’t know… maybe. I mean… I don’t drink.” June lightly shrugged.

“Oh, you don’t really have to. It’s gonna be nice!”

“Yeah, yeah. Okay. I will.” June smiled at him.

Conan observed everything with a smirk. Jake was a brunette, skinny guy, shorter than Conan himself, and a few inches taller than June. He looked so interested, and she appeared not to notice. When they finally said goodbye to each other, Conan saw Jake awkwardly disappear into the crowd and June let out a sigh.

“He likes you.” Conan looked at June.

“No shit.” June laughed.

“I thought you didn’t notice.”

“I did!” she nodded. “I’m not into him though. He’s lovely but I don’t see us dating.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t think I know how… to date I guess.”

He raised his eyebrows for the second time that day. “I don’t either and I got myself a girl.”

“Well… you’re...”

Conan stopped walking. That same weird feeling he had on Halloween came back again. “...you’re really cute.”

“Really?”

She smiled. “Really.”

Conan tilted his head. “What makes you think you’re not?”

“You’re just being nice.”

“I’m not… you are incredibly beautiful, lady.”

June blushed. Conan noticed it, and he wondered if it was out of shyness or she could just… no, she wouldn’t be attracted to him at all, would she? She’s way out of his league, and he always thought that. She didn’t seem like she knew how beautiful she was, and Conan think this was for the best. She wasn’t at all cocky, she was just way too nice. He was afraid to tell her how amazing he thought she was, and he would occasionally say it, but he wished he did it more.

“You’re too kind.” she smiled. “We should just eat, freckle boy.”

“Oh.” he deflated. “They look that bad, huh?”

Conan didn’t like his freckles, or his red hair or his extreme paleness. Being exposed to the sun was torturous. He didn’t tan, and he had excessive redness as well. Every emotion he had went to his cheeks immediately. He didn’t like to be mocked for it but he never found a solution to it. Dyeing hair? He would only look worse. He was a six-foot-four tall freak. But no, not in June’s eyes, he wasn’t. Lindsey didn’t really have a problem with it… but it’s not like she expressed how attractive he was either. Conan missed that.

“They look lovely, you goof.” She smiled. “I like them.”

“It looks like I’m sick.”

“Well.” she said, a strange serenity on her voice. “You’ll only truly love someone when you’re in peace with yourself.”

“Oh, who are you quoting? Some inspirational poet…?”

She giggled. “Mom.”

“Of course a criminal wouldn’t know who I’m quoting.”

He sighed. “Hopefully my crime days are over today.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact: Jeff Zucker was one of the executives working at NBC when Conan was fired in 2010.


	30. XXX

1985

Boston, Massachusetts

“Conan, do you have any idea of what you’ve done?”

Conan was dizzy, his bloody self being driven to the hospital. He knew Luke was on the backseat with him, and he knew his brother was talking as his lips moved, but he couldn’t hear anything. He couldn’t feel his left hand. He was breathing hard, his mind was a blank for a few minutes, he felt lethargic while fully awake. Luke talked to him, but he didn’t understand a word. Conan was in shock and it took a while before Luke noticed it, and both just went silent as Mr. O’Brien drove them to the hospital.

“Where’s June?” Conan asked after a moment of silence, as he came back to his senses. He still looked a bit lethargic, his eyes expressing a lack of emotion.

“She went the hospital, and you’re going there too.

“Is she okay?”

“I hope so.”

-

Conan arrived at the hospital, in a bloody, sweaty, disturbing state. As he was being patched up, the pain came in gradually, and as it became greater, he finally understood the state he was in. Soon his entire arm was aching, and his whole hand needed to be in a cast, with the exception of his right thumb. It didn’t matter, it hurt like hell. Luke came to help and he sat with Conan to discuss the situation. Turns out, Conan’s outburst wasn’t something that could be easily forgotten.

“You know you could go to jail for this, right?”

Conan was quiet, the anxiety still trying to take over. He looked down to his aching hand. “I… need a painkiller.”

His dad came and sat with him. “You are lucky your brother is a lawyer, Conan.”

“What happened... to June?” he said, still looking down

“Conan, please let June go for one moment and think about yourself for a second.” his dad said.

Conan was in blinding pain at this point but all he could think about was June. All of those people around him couldn’t give him an answer. He could go to hell for all he did, but he needed to know if June was okay. He didn’t want to know about implications, jail. He just wanted something for his hand as soon as possible, because the pain was absolutely unbearable.

“Can you please give me something for this?” he was trying to be polite, even though it was really difficult.

He wanted just to swallow a whole bottle of Valium, so he could sleep for at least three days. Not literally, but when in pain, people tend to think horrible things. His family decided it was better for him to stay at the hospital for a night at least, due to his mental and physical health. Luke and Mr. O’Brien still wanted to talk to him about this messy situation, but it was better not to. He took a good shower and got rid of his bloody clothes, had a morphine injection and went to sleep.

The next day, Conan prepared himself. for the inevitable. He didn’t have a good night of sleep, but it was enough for him to calm down at least a little. Luke stayed with him at the hospital, and his mom came to visit. She wasn’t angry at him, just concerned about his hand and the situation that unfolded. She had been there after he fell asleep to be sure everything was okay, and then Luke offered himself to keep an eye on him.

“Okay, Luke. I know you’re mad at me, but...”

“I’m not mad.” Luke said. “I understand why you did what you did. I just hope you didn’t injure Scott pretty badly.”

Conan sighed. “I snapped.”

“You didn’t snap, Conan.” Luke continued. “You were just… tired.”

“But please son, don’t do this anymore.” Mrs. O’Brien interfered.

Conan nodded. He sat on the hospital bed. “Do you know what’s gonna happen to me?”

Luke shook his head. “No. But I’ll do my best so hopefully nothing is gonna happen.”

“And… June?”

“June is… unconscious, Conan. She’s alive. Just get some rest. You’ll probably be out in a few hours.”

-

Conan ate and changed his clothes, being in a hospital gown never felt good. His arm was put in a sling, it wasn’t broken, but it was swollen and he was experiencing muscular pain. He was let go in the evening. He wanted to see June, and his mom went with him. Luke went home. Conan knew what he did was wrong, but as the situation unfolded, his instincts kicked in. By God, if he was there sooner he would just call the police. And the police would take too long. He silently made his way to June’s room, both were taken to the nearest hospital. She was sleeping, apparently. Or at least that’s what Conan hoped was happening. The doctor came right after.

“She’s fine.” the doctor said. “We put her to sleep for a few hours.”

“I saw the blood. It was a lot...” Conan whispered.

“It was a fair amount. She is stable. She’ll be here for a few weeks. We are mostly monitoring her head trauma. We expect she’ll make a full recovery.”

Conan nodded and looked at her. “May I stay here a bit?”

The doctor nodded. “Sure. I think she was expected to wake up around this time.”

Conan approached her bed and kneeled. The area around her nose and lips was bruised, and she had a little cut on her forehead. Her head was all wrapped up in gauze. He forgot for a second his mother was there. It was just the two of them. He wanted this to be different. He blamed himself for it. He kept thinking about all the times he talked back to his bullies, and he wished he’d never took her with him to places. Now their vengeance reached her the in the worst way possible. He shook his head.

“I’m sorry.” he whispered. “I’m sorry for all of this.”

“You’re everything to me.” he continued. “I should’ve told you sooner.”

He felt like the air became heavier as he spoke. “No matter what happens from now on… just don’t leave me.”

His thumb caressed her fingers as he stared at her hands. “I don’t think I can live without you.”

“Boo-hoo.” she said softly.

He looked up immediately. She was looking at him, still a bit sleepy and frail, but with a smile.

“Guess what? I’m not going anywhere.” she spoke slowly. “I’m gonna be here forever.”

Relief took over his face. “I love you.”

She closed her eyes for a brief second, and smiled. “I know.”


	31. XXXI

Early 1985

Cambridge, Massachusetts

“Oh God, I gotta finish this.”

Conan was extremely stressed, his hands were shaking again. He borrowed tons of books from the library to work on his thesis. He didn’t have a personal computer so he had to use public ones, around Harvard. He carried a million quarters around and a big floppy disk. He felt like he was going insane. His room was a mess, and both him and his roommate didn’t bother cleaning it up. The mess reflected his state of mind at that crucial moment. Lindsey came to visit because Conan wasn’t calling or actually thinking about anything else.

“Conan? What is this?” she said, as she arrived at the messy dorm.

“I can’t talk now.” Conan said in a robotic voice, as he read one of the books for his bibliography. “Busy.”

“Why didn’t you call me? I thought we could go out...”

“Sorry, can’t.” He kept reading.

Lindsey rolled her eyes. “Are you free tomorrow at least?”

He shook his head.

“Why are you being so dismissive of me?”

Conan ignored her for a second.

“Hey, I’m talking to you.”

Conan looked up. He  didn’ t want to argue, he was on a terrible place mentally, and he couldn’t just shoo her or be mean to her like this. He knew it wasn’t nice, but he decided to promise her they would go out the next day. She was happy about it, and Conan knew it was just about the places she wanted to go, and what she wanted to do again, but it was better than having her nagging on him, while he was still focused on his literary progeria theory.  Conan was starting to think he needed a break from her.

He sat and continued reading. His roommate went out to eat. June came in half an hour after that, and was spooked by the state of Conan’s room.  Sheets of paper everywhere – all of them had incomplete writing, junk food scattered around the bed, hamburger wrappings…  Conan took a while to notice  she was standing there. She stared at him and Conan felt like he was caught doing something inappropriate. He sat straight as June approached him.

“Are you okay, Conan?” June looked concerned.

“I am… I mean… well, yes.” Conan sighed.

She got really close to him and raised her eyebrows. “You’re stinking.”

He blushed. “Oh… oh, I’m sorry.”

“Just… just go take a shower. I’ll try to clean this stuff up.”

Conan ran to the shower and June started to organize stuff. She stopped and read one of the pages he picked off the floor. Of course, his thesis.  He must have been in a lot of pressure. He did seem like he was lost, she didn’t know how many hours he had been locked in, or if he had leisure time. Nothing worse than losing his mind over academic work. She could hear the shower was running as she took chips and a cheese popcorn bowl off the floor. My god. She did the best she could. That would certainly attract ants and roaches.

“Hey June?” Conan called.

“What?” June turned to him, pile of papers in hand.

“Can you… turn around?”

June blushed. She could only see his head, wet hair, peeking though the bathroom’s open door. She turned around and heard as he came out, looked for his clothes almost silently. She could smell him now, lovely as he always did. She smiled as she heard the fumbling, for some reason, knowing that she could just turn around and see Conan naked amused her. She had a smirk the whole time.

“Okay, you can turn back.”

She turned to see Conan wearing a t-shirt and jeans, still barefoot. He smiled, a bit embarrassed.

“Well, this is better.” June nodded.

He sat on his bed and noticed how much better the room looked. “Oh, you’re fast.”

“I still have to take everything out.” June said, putting his notes on the nightstand. “Do you want to eat? I could bring you something so you don’t eat rotten hamburgers off the floor.”

He scratched his head. “No, I’m fine. I’m fine, I guess.”

“Come on.” she smiled. “Is your girlfriend going to try to murder me again?”

His eyes widened. “What are you talking about?”

She shrugged. “Not literally, but she doesn’t like me.”

Conan knew it, but he didn’t want to give it away. Turns out, he was a terrible liar. “That’s not true…”

June approached him and put her arms around his tall self, for a tight hug. His clothes felt soft and he smelled like soap. “It’s okay.”

She looked at him in the eyes. “Go to sleep, Wendy. Don’t worry about the thesis for the rest of the night.”

“You say like it’s easy to...”

“It’s not. I’m stressing myself over mine too. Just take it easy, okay?”

She got on her toes and kissed his cheek goodbye. He felt loved and warm, for the first time that day.


	32. XXXII

Boston, Massachusetts

“Would you still love me if you knew I’m bald right now?”

“Yeah.” Conan chuckled.

“Well, I’m not. My hair is just shorter.”

Conan was let go the night prior, but he came to visit June every day while she was at the hospital. Her head, although injured, was healing fast, and the gash on her head was way smaller than the thought it was. He was in shock, and maybe that was the reason he saw that much blood coming from her the day she was attacked. He didn’t like to think of that moment, it made him uncomfortable. As relieved as he was after seeing June was okay, he wished it had never happened.

“They’ll release me in a week I believe.” June smiled. “Then you’ll see the state of my hair and you’ll decide if I’m worth it.”

June was probably joking but Conan fired an annoyed look at her.

She sighed. “Sorry. Low self-esteem kicking in.”

“I know what is like.”

“How’s your hand?”

He looked at his own hand, still on a cast. His muscular pain had severely decreased and he wasn’t wearing an arm sling anymore. “Oh, it’s fine. It doesn’t hurt that much. I think I’ll get rid of the cast in a few days or so.”

“Did it hurt?”

“Not at the time, but afterwards… yeah.”

Luke came in, probably looking for Conan. He seemed relieved.

“I have good news.” Luke said. “Luckily Conan isn’t going to spend time in jail.”

Conan turned to Luke and June paid attention. “You broke Scott’s nose, some of his teeth and you lacerated his face.”

Conan raised his eyebrows, he had really foggy memories of that day.

“Turns out your friend Scott Walker tried to do that with many girls over the years… and the police believed us, based on multiple accusations. They believe you acted in self defense and on June’s behalf.”

Luke sighed and continued. “We believe he would’ve...”

“Luke, Luke.” June raised her hand. “I get it.”

Luke nodded. “I apologize. It’s all okay now. He’s gonna be treated and he’s gonna go to jail. No money from Mr. Walker will save him this time.”

June gestured to him. Luke came and gave her a hug. She patted his back.

“You’re a good friend. Thanks.”

Luke turned to Conan. “How’s your hand doing?”

“Better.” Conan smiled.

Luke raised his eyebrows and patted his brother on the back. “Don’t do that again.”

Conan’s eyes widened. “I know.”

“If you don’t mind, I’m gonna meet with Molly in a few minutes.” Luke said. “Are you guys alright?”

June nodded. “Yes.”

“As much as you’re family, you really need to get another lawyer. Mom and I are out.” he concluded.

All three laughed.

-

After a few weeks, June left the hospital. She felt fine and she had no last longing damage. Conan’s hand was almost completely healed. He had tiny scars, a surprising outcome for someone who broke four fingers, especially by punching a sidewalk. June was healthy enough to attend her own commencement, fortunately. Her hair was growing reaching the middle of her neck at this point. Her bald spot, that was shaved to patch her head up, was now grown, not as long as her hair, but she could hide it well.

Conan loved June the way she was, and she was very inconsistent with clothes. Sometimes she would wear a lovely dress with flowers all over it, and sometimes she just wore jeans with hoodies and or shorts with tank tops… she was always beautiful. Conan didn’t really care about how she dressed, her smile was everything he wanted to see. He couldn’t deny that on certain special occasions, especially on Christmas, she looked so dashing, so overwhelmingly attractive he couldn’t look at her without blushing. There was no celebrity, no actress or singer, no living human being more beautiful than her. She was everything.

-

“I’m so proud of you.” Conan said, looking at June, with her gown and cap on.

She pouted. “Yes, I’m glad. I’m graduating just to make you proud.”

Conan was wearing a tux when he attended June’s commencement. He thought it was too much, but he asked around and June’s mom gave him the idea. She fixed the legs as well, since Conan had such long legs, buying him clothes was a bit difficult. The sleeves had to be fixed as well. Conan liked to put his hair up sometimes, instead of sporting the bangs he always did. He decided to do that, to June’s amusement. She gave him a big hug after the ceremony.

“You look amazing.” she smiled.

“Thanks.” he blushed a bit. “Not as much as you, though.”

“I love the hair. You should keep it that way.”

He chuckled. “Oh, you’re the first one to tell me that.”

“Mom fixed this tux for you, right?” she asked, hands softly sliding down his chest.

“Yeah.”

“Good job.” she purred. “Fine man.”

-

Conan and June came back to Boston with June’s mom, since she didn’t have an apartment anymore. She used to split the rent with a friend, and they both graduated and gave it back to the landlord. June now had one in Boston because she was working on research and she thought it was time to live alone, although she visited her mother every other day. They came back to her apartment. She took off her gown and cap as she got in. She was wearing a strapless red dress, right above the knees. It wasn’t too tight, but it sit perfectly on her figure. Conan didn’t know how she was dressed under the gown, and he felt the same way he always felt on Christmas when she was around.

“Wow.” he let it out.

She was walking to her CD shelf, but turned to face him. “What?”

“Fine woman.”

She smirked.

“What are you gonna do?” Conan asked.

She chose a CD, and he peeked. “Remember you didn’t go to the prom?”

“Yeah… but what...?”

“I went with Johnny, but I always wanted to go with you.” she said.

He sighed. She continued. “I asked if you were going and you said no...”

“I was a stupid punk. I never noticed...” he deflated.

“Now you get to have a prom and I get to dance with you, as I always wanted to.”

“But… I don’t know how to dance.” he said, as the music began.

“I’ll guide you.” she said softly.

Conan put his hands on June’s waist and she put her arms around his neck. They moved slowly to the song, and Conan stared at his small friend, thinking how everything would’ve been different if he had taken her to the prom. Possibly no Roxy and no Lindsey would’ve crossed his life. Maybe he was blind to June, maybe he was afraid… but he had her now. Finally. She smiled as she tried to move him around, he was really wooden, and he smiled back, noticing that it was making the dancing difficult. He just needed to relax.

_ Don’t wish it away  
Don’t look at it like it’s forever  
Between you and me  
I could honestly say, that things can only get better _

June continued to guide his wooden self around, focusing on his thin lips, his freckles and his ocean blue eyes. His scent was so delicious and captivating, he was so close she could feel his breath against her. He was all flushed at this point, but still staring at her chocolate brown eyes. She was wearing a very light pink lipstick, that blended with her natural lip color. He observed the curve of her smiling lips, her long eyelashes… they were looking at each other like they had just met.

_ Just stare into space  
Picture my face in your hands  
Live for each second, without hesitation  
And never forget I’m your man _

Conan pulled her close for a kiss. Her lips were as soft as they looked. Her hands went to his face and hair, caressing him. He held her and cherished that kiss like it was his first. Her tongue was warm and they tasted each other slowly as the music went on. June was the only one for him, and he knew it. He didn’t need anyone else anymore. During his past relationships, he learned about himself and other people, but no one made him happier than his high school friend. Tiny June. The woman he was certain he loved more than anything in this world.

_ Wait on me, girl  
Cry in the night if it helps  
But more than ever  
I simply love you  
More than I love life itself. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is "I Guess That's What They Call It The Blues" by Elton John. It's a good song, and it's fitting. It's also the description/summary of this fanfiction and certain parts of it were inspired by the song.


	33. XXXIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explicit sex description ahead.

“I got the impression that you don’t like dancing.” June purred as she guided both of them to her bedroom. She had her back facing the door.

“Not as much as what we’re gonna do next.” he smirked, faces right next to each other.

June took off her heels, as Conan twisted the doorknob to let them in. The door opened slowly as Conan walked her to the bed, with their lips locked, his hands sitting on her lower back. Conan fumbled around the wall to find the light switch, and turned the light on. June’s hands were caressing his chest, going up and down, his smell invading her, the sweet taste of his lips giving her goosebumps of pleasure. He was such a fine kisser, his lips felt like velvet against hers. She moved her hands up his hair. As her fingertips touched the back of his neck, he felt as if electricity was traveling from his neck, down his torso, right to his crotch. She stopped.

“What…?” he asked, breathless.

She smiled. “Don’t move.”

Conan observed as June pulled down and undid his bowtie, gently letting it fall to the floor.

“I always wanted to see you naked.” she whispered.

June slid down his jacket, to the floor again. Her mouth went to his neck as she unbuttoned his shirt, so slowly it was killing him inside. Her tongue danced around the soft skin of his neck as she took his shirt off, down to now a pile of clothes. She ran her hand up and down his hairy chest, feeling his pounding heart and his chest going up and down due to his heavy breathing. Conan slowly took his shoes and socks off with the help of his own feet and one free hand. His right hand was on her hair, and he brought her close for a kiss again, he would never be tired of tasting her sweet honey lips.

Both of her hands traveled down his stomach, to his belt. She slowly undid it, and cupped his balls and his cock gently, massaging them. Conan let out a low moan and it made her smile against his lips. He stripped down to his underwear himself. She kneeled in front of him and teased him by touching his shaft and licking his balls with his black briefs still on. He could feel the wetness of her mouth through the fabric, and he got progressively harder. His hands went to the top of her head, feeling her scalp and her soft, curly hair.

Then, she finally took his underwear off. She touched his shaft, feeling all the veins and creases of his pink cock, her mouth watering to suck him dry. She took him in slowly, first circling her tongue around the tip and then taking all of his shaft. He was so much bigger than she thought. Her nose brushed gently against the generous amount of red pubes he had. He tasted great and June felt her nipples getting harder as the head of his cock reached closer and closer to the back of her throat.

Conan wailed and gasped, gripping her hair a bit tighter, guiding her, his hips bucking forward as he fucked her mouth. He had forgotten how much he loved a good blowjob. He felt his legs getting weaker as June’s lovely warm mouth took his cock all the way in. Conan slowly stopped her, bringing her back to her feet, walking her to bed. He laid her down gently and crawled over her, eyes full of hunger and lust. She took a good look at his freckles, lovely freckles everywhere on his body, his shoulders and neck, like little stars on a clear sky.

“My turn.” he whispers right next to her lips, pleasant heat coming from his body.

He fumbles around her for a bit, they both chuckled as he finds the zipper to her dress on her right side. He slid the dress down, slowly revealing her breasts, her stomach and her soaking wet panties. He pressed himself on her, kissing her and nibbling her lower lip as she felt his fully erect cock rubbing against her wetness. He went down to her neck, her collarbones, tracing a path of pleasure with his warm tongue. She caressed his scalp and held him close as he moved to her breasts, his tongue dancing around her hard nipples, and audibly sucking on them.

June gasped, her hands on Conan’s hair while he did his magic. He kissed and nibbled her, down to her panties. She felt goosebumps as he took them off, slowly. He kissed both of her thighs, and she felt tingles. She loved the sensation of his strong hands grabbing her tight. He touched her sensitive clit. She was so deliciously wet. Conan tasted her wetness, his tongue tasting her lips as his thumb played with her clit. She whimpered and he watched as her hands went from the mattress to his hair again. His pompadour was now gone, and now he had messy bangs like he used to.

Her legs started moving, so he decided to open and hold her thighs with his two hands, and he sucked her clit to the point she started bucking up her hips to meet his mouth. Her moans now became louder and the urgency could be heard on her voice. She looked at her lover, all flushed, watching her with lusty eyes as he ate her up. She curled her toes and rolled her eyes, she was close and Conan could feel it, so he stopped, licking the sweet taste of her from his own lips.

He crawled to her. “Conan?”

“Hm?” he looked so handsome, his red lips… so attractive.

“I’ve never done this before...”

“It’s okay...” he assured her. “I’ll go slow.”

He rubbed his cock against her pussy, coating it in her wetness. She smiled as she felt how hard he was. Conan felt like he would explode soon. He put his tip right on the entrance. She held his shoulders to bring her close. He was drenched in pleasure. His cock was pleading for it.

“Just look at me, honey.” he whispered, right next to her face. “Look at me.”

He kissed her, deeply. He pushed the tip in, as slowly as he could, and June felt herself stretch. He filled her in as she whimpered against his mouth. God, he was big. She gasped as he went all the way in. She could feel every crease of his cock inside her. Conan whimpered as he penetrated her, she was so wet and tight it was a miracle he didn’t come right away.

“Are you okay?” he asked, breathing heavily.

“Yeah.” she whispered.

He started thrusting into her, carefully. It was delicious, even as slow as it was. He felt her walls tighten against his now painfully sensitive cock. She took his cock in, kissing him, nibbling him, tugging his hair gently. She reached down to his balls and started massaging them. Her soft hands were too much for him.

“Come inside me” she whispered against his lips.

“I… I can’t...” he moaned. “I don’t have… a condom on.”

“Pill.” she simply said. “Come for me, Conan. Please.”

“Fuck!” he wailed. “Oh, God!”

He couldn’t hold it anymore. He came, his hands gripping hard into her hips, his knees giving out a bit. He hadn’t come like that in ages. He cried as June felt herself being filled with his warm cum. He pulled out gently, and went right into sucking her dripping pussy. She also didn’t last long on his mouth and moaned loudly. Conan smiled against her as she reached her climax. He crawled to her face and gave her two sticky kisses on her cheeks as she laughed, before laying on his side, with a wide smile on his face.


	34. XXXIV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Explicit sex description ahead.

“You seem really happy.” June said, almost out of breath.

“I am.” Conan chuckled.”

Conan and June lied side by side on the bed, she faced the ceiling and he was on his side, facing her. Both were flushed, sweaty and satisfied.  She turned to him.

“I feel kinda dirty.” she confessed.

“It’s normal.” he smiled. “My Christian guilt still torments me from time to time.”

She giggled. “You understand.”

He clenched his right fist. “My hand is aching a bit… I think I grabbed you a little bit too hard.” June laughed.

“How’s your head?” Conan asked.

“I’m fine, sunshine.” she replied. “I’m okay.”

Conan stared at her for a second. He sighed. “Why sunshine?”

“What?”

He repeated himself. “Why do you call me sunshine? I always wanted to know why.” he smiled, shyly.

She sighed, a bit embarrassed. “Well… there’s no redheads where I come from. You’re not the only one in Boston obviously, but you were the first one I actually saw...”

Conan silently paid attention. “...you’ll probably make fun of me.”

“No, I really want to know… I won’t. Promise.”

June continued. “I… saw you on a bright sunny day and even all being beaten up, you smiled at me. My English wasn’t so good back then, so I thought... “his hair is shiny like the Sun” and I started calling you sunshine after that.”

Conan looked at her tenderly. “You accepted me as a friend even though my speaking was embarrassing. I’ll never forget that.”

“Your written English was always amazing.” Conan said softly. “You just needed a little practice.”

She pouted playfully, and started stroking his messy bangs.

“I love you.” she whispered. “I think I’ve been loving you since I was fifteen.”

“I never noticed how much I loved you… or maybe I always knew you’re way out of my league.” Conan confessed.

“Oh really?” she chuckled. “Your smelly friend is out of your league?”

He nodded. “You’re too good for anyone. I’m just too lucky.”

She smooched him, her hands gently holding his face.

“I love you too.” he said against her lips.

-

_ Hi, this is June. I’m probably not here. Leave a message after the beep. _

The next day,  Conan and June forgot about the world, as they made love over the  kitchen countertop. She was sitting on the edge, legs open around his waist. His hands were holding her hips in place as he bucked forward, thrusting into her. He bent over to kiss her, as her hands played with the back of his neck and his hair. The answering machine beeped over and over again, as both moaned of pleasure, ignoring anything that could interrupt them.

_ Beeping sound.  
June, this is Luke. I’m sure Conan is with you, but I’m just checking. Mom asked for you today. I’m sure you guys are fine but eh… give her a call.  
  
_ Conan was so much bigger than June but he handled her carefully. June now had her nose pressed against his collarbone, he smelled like Old Spice, wearing the shirt he wore the night prior. She grabbed his arms tightly as if begging him to go deeper and faster. He could feel her hot breath and muffled groans against his chest. The answering machine kept beeping. None of them cared. They were so close.

_ Beeping sound.  
This is Jonathan Walker, the father of Scott Walker. I’m hoping this is June’s phone number. We need to talk about your accusations against my son. I’m kindly asking you to call me back. Good day. _

Conan threw his head back, appreciating the sensation of his cock going in and out her tight pussy. June came first, and he came right after, thrusting twice more, before reaching his climax. Part of his cum dripped down the countertop as they smiled at each other. The answering machine continued beeping.

_ Beeping sound.  
Is this June’s house? I got your number. What the hell did you tell Conan? You turned him against me, how dare you? I bet you were seeing each other behind my back for years. He’s a cheating bastard and you’re… _

Conan went to the phone calmly and answered it. “Get lost, Lindsey.”


	35. End

2010

Los Angeles, California

“You're reading those…” June said softly. “After all these years.”

Conan was on his office, reading June’s letters. Both of them still had the letters they sent to each other during college. Conan had them in a box, and June had other box for Conan’s letters. She used to read some of them them at least once every six months or so, but she never saw Conan doing it. She didn’t think much of it, maybe he just kept them out of respect. It filled her with joy seeing him reading them, though.

“This one is my favorite.” he handed her the letter he was reading.

_ April, 1984 _

_ Happy birthday, sunshine! _

_ How are you? I haven’t heard from you in a while. How’s life? How’s the Lampoon going? I have good news! Remember that professor I talked about? He’s gone. Surprisingly he moved to Scotland. I don’t know why. I’m just glad he’s gone. I don’t know why he was so hard on me and I think I’ll never find out. We got a new professor – she’s very intelligent and kind, and she doesn’t use her diploma to prove her superiority, a good start. _

_I miss you terribly, it’s not like I can go around calling you, I’m a bit broke at the moment and I have so many projects I don’t know where to start. Fordham is amazing, but you know… excellency. I’m doing alright. How’s Harvard treating you? Do you know what are you gonna write about in your thesis? I’m dying to know. I bet it will be great. You still have a year… so no pressure, right? You’re so intelligent. You can do this. _

_ Anyway, happy birthday. You mean a lot to me. I’m glad we are friends… and you are great company. Really. Thanks for helping me with my English. Thanks for everything. I hope… you can answer this. My birthday is also close and it's just not the same without you around. Take care. _

_ Love,  
June. _

She smiled. “Oh wow, I was so into you.”

Conan laughed. “Yeah, I realized that after reading it a few times.”

June approached Conan, who was sitting on an office chair. “You know...” she touched his beard.

She was standing right next to his face. “I know you feel sad right now, but I’m just gonna say this.”

Conan listened as he looked at her. “When we moved to Los Angeles in 1985, I had faith in you, and when you accepted the Late Night show in New York I still had faith in you.”

He looked down. Her hand now went to his hair. “The Tonight Show is just a TV slot. Johnny Carson made it great. And Leno made it shitty.”

Conan laughed, even though his sadness could be heard through his laughter.

“You deserve more than that. I still have faith in you.”

He smiled sadly. She kissed his forehead.

“You’re capable of great things. Trust your smelly friend.”

He giggled. He hadn’t heard that in twenty-five years. “I’m glad I married my smelly friend.”

“I love you, sunshine. I’ll always do.”

Conan hugged June, and felt safe in her arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for the support everybody! Just to clarify some things: this is based on what Conan says about his life, with some alterations to fit the story. Neither June, Roxy or Lindsey existed in real life. I tried to make this as believable as possible. Also, Jake from the bar is not June's friend Jake who studied with her in Fordham, to be clear. Conan married June around 1991 in this timeline, and they had one kid. Hope you had fun reading this! More stories to come!


End file.
